We instinctively know whether or not we find a person attractive enough to take them to bed. In as much as we may try to rationalise these things, we must accept that the single law governing attraction is far from rational. From the slight sway in her hips, to the curve of her neck, to the the scent of her perfume and finally to extent to which you choose to explore that person's body, these things are governed purely by instinct.
I have learned that it is an absolute waste of time chasing after members of the opposite sex. Why? You may ask, simply because if that person finds you in anyway attractive, she will make it obvious enough to you, as is said in Lagos today "no long thing". I have been in situations where women I was casually involved with have been dropped over at my place by their toasters and picked up the following morning by these same men. I have been invited over for dinner at their homes, only to be told that their toasters footed the bills for the food (I never could bring myself to eat though). I have experienced women in commited relationships inadvertently leting me know that if i was to jump them, they might not put up too much resistance (it doesn't mean they did not love their partners). Most men are under the misguided notion that time and circumstance are the ultimate arbiters of who a woman chooses to sleep with. Yes they do play a part, but in my view the ultimate arbiter of who she chooses entirely depends on who gets her juices flowing. If she says that she isn't sure, or that she needs time, then my brother she probably doesn't want you enough. Sure, she might enjoy your company, she will probably enjoy the attention and if you stick around long enough she might just sleep with you if she is horny or lonely enough, maybe if you plead with her to a great extent, her compassionate nature might compel her to administer a pity screw, but the bottom line is that you are and probably will remain way down in her pecking order.
Human beings tend to rationalise their actions following the act, a purely physical sexual encounter, may become an emotional one just because of some need to justify what has taken place. Hence, a man that a woman has kept hanging for six months (and in those six months she enjoyed the company of men she truly desired) might suddenly seem like a boyfriend following a unexpected roll in the hay. That is the way it is, it is the way it has always been and it is never going to change. Hence I make no bones about making my interest known to a woman from the very start, it is her choice. if she takes the bait, great, if not I let her be, and stay friends...........................
"No long thing".
I have learned that it is an absolute waste of time chasing after members of the opposite sex. Why? You may ask, simply because if that person finds you in anyway attractive, she will make it obvious enough to you, as is said in Lagos today "no long thing". I have been in situations where women I was casually involved with have been dropped over at my place by their toasters and picked up the following morning by these same men. I have been invited over for dinner at their homes, only to be told that their toasters footed the bills for the food (I never could bring myself to eat though). I have experienced women in commited relationships inadvertently leting me know that if i was to jump them, they might not put up too much resistance (it doesn't mean they did not love their partners). Most men are under the misguided notion that time and circumstance are the ultimate arbiters of who a woman chooses to sleep with. Yes they do play a part, but in my view the ultimate arbiter of who she chooses entirely depends on who gets her juices flowing. If she says that she isn't sure, or that she needs time, then my brother she probably doesn't want you enough. Sure, she might enjoy your company, she will probably enjoy the attention and if you stick around long enough she might just sleep with you if she is horny or lonely enough, maybe if you plead with her to a great extent, her compassionate nature might compel her to administer a pity screw, but the bottom line is that you are and probably will remain way down in her pecking order.
Human beings tend to rationalise their actions following the act, a purely physical sexual encounter, may become an emotional one just because of some need to justify what has taken place. Hence, a man that a woman has kept hanging for six months (and in those six months she enjoyed the company of men she truly desired) might suddenly seem like a boyfriend following a unexpected roll in the hay. That is the way it is, it is the way it has always been and it is never going to change. Hence I make no bones about making my interest known to a woman from the very start, it is her choice. if she takes the bait, great, if not I let her be, and stay friends...........................
"No long thing".
23 comments:
hmmmm, your blog always leaves me fully entertained and thirsting for more.....its more like you say what most people leave unspoken.....more like the unspoken truth...what we all know but pray the other person doesnt say...or isnt thinking of....well, your blog does leave me intrigued.... pardon my asking but is someone not getting the message?
Yeahhhhhhhhhhh 1st again!
I love these series u are currently doing, think its absolutely fab.
On this topic though i'm not sure i totally agree with you.
For starters a woman might be madly attracted to a guy, but not immediately act upon it. Doesnt mean she doesnt dig him, it just depends on her frame of mind at the time or the place she's at. So time and circumstance DO play a big role. And bear in mind that its not everyone who can make her juices flow who actually gets to lie with her.
However, i do agree that she'll mos def in one way or another let u know.
Keep 'em coming esp on the rules of engagement!
so r u trying 2 say that if a woman does not sleep with u when u make a move, it means shes not attracted 2 u enuff physically???
basically u are saying she's not feeling u enuff right???
im sorry i have 2 disagree
lol,,,,,hmm,,**phew**
hello,
nice post again!,,,take kare!
shola.
i'm first. dont know if that is a good sign. the last time i was first 'war' started. but like you said 'no long thing'
Boorish... i love your series or whatever it is you call these posts, really funny, makes you think and laugh at the same time. Although i think you have sort of stereotyped us women a bit... some of us, infact loads of us like to be chased, we sometimes make up our minds during these periods that we are chased..but like i always say, there is no hard and fast rule...
I beg to disagree... women are a whole lot more complicated than that!!! like ziariz said, theres no hard n fast rule to stuff like these so "boxin" it all up like dis doesnt say it right. women are not as physical as men are so for most, it has to go way beyond initial "vibes" n body language... just my opinion... thelma
truly spoken words, i concur
Hmmmmmm.
*deep breath*
I know for a fact that I am one of those who want 2 be chased. I am quite old fashioned, so no matter how much I like a guy, I would never open my mouth and say it first. I'll call him a lot (but only if he does so too). I'll flirt with him (but only if he does so too). I'm weird, I guess. I am just one of those people that need 2 know that I am needed and wanted. If I call a guy I am interested in and he says he will call me back, but never does, I will not call him again. I guess I do not ever want 2 feel like I'm forcin myself on some1.
I love being realistic; don't want any1 to bullshit me (xcuse my french). If he likes me, he should say something about it, or else, I will just go on like I know nothing.
Sex?? Oh, I'm one of those emotional ones. I'm not deranged or psychotic... or homicidal (lol), but sex is not a 'hobby'. As in, it is not something I will do just cause I'm horny, and there is an equally horny man next 2 me. In other words, I'll have 2 be in love wit him.
Now, let's recap: Vera wants 2 be chased; she does not want 2 feel like she is forcin herself on any1, and lastly, she needs to be needed & wanted.
Boorish, once again, I apologise for the lonnnnnng gospel. You bring out da words in me!
while i aprreciate dat u recognize a woman "chooses" to act on the interest u've shown, i disagree with d suggsetion that it is a purley physical choice. Now, i'm assuming that this is your thesis. If it isn't, ignore everythin from this point on.
A "physical sexual encouter" becoming an "emotional one" is a predominatly male process (mind u, i said predominately bcos there are certainly women who fit that mold). Most women follow the reverse process i.e. emotional -> physical/sexual.This is why the chase is tres important .During this time , women tend to build the emotional 'investment" that yields to the decison to "drop" - which includes the occassional pity screw.
Women have been conditioned to seek out men's attention/approval. Whether it comes from genetics, history, religion, society, parents or all of d above - i don't know. What i do know is dat when women decide - let me requalify - myself & friends have decided, it hasn't been based on just what gets the "juices flowing" (again , i'm assuming u were refering to the physical) but mostly on - what does he think about me? will he respect me in the morning ( yes o! women still ask)? will this jeopardize my future with him? Is he worth my time? Ati be be lo. Don't get me wrong o! D physical is high on d scale. Afterall, who won do person with b.o. and gingivitis ?
What ? U don't believe me? U u're sef have alluded to it. Read part 7 and 6 of this series. dat's why all d "fronting" and drama exist. Why do u also think most of us fake orgarsms and stick with broders for yrs on end waiting for d proposal when we know he's screwing around? It ain't all 'bout how d brother hangs. Emotional Investment , baby!
As for d females that u r casually involved with - r u sure it is casual on their end? & the ones that have partners - women r experts @ emotional blackmail; for all u know, u might be a tool they're using to "bring partner around".
Any way sha , u get my drift ( i hope). This "comment" has turned out to be longer than i expected. Sorry guys!
My one naira.
Hmm... another interesting and well-written piece but I agree with some of the other commenters that you may have over-simplified women. For some women, it's just not that simple. Sometimes, we may be attracted to a guy but might not just be ready to jump into bed with them for one reason or the other - and there are so many possible reasons. Sometimes, we might be really into a guy but we just want to be chased (as Vera put it) - and until we get that, we ain't switching on no green light and we ain't making NOTHING obvious... so it really differs from woman to woman.
@abi:
To be honest my posts are in no way directed towards anyone in particular. Just thoughts of mine....
Thanks for your kind words..
@nigeriandoll:
I accept that time and circumstance do play a role in these issues, I am of the opinion that it is best to leave them to make up their minds, as opposed to waiting around and wasting your time trying to bring them around. Women know exactly what they want, and they act on it.
@I'm a babe:
This post is not about sex alone. It is about the whole issue of chasing and attempting to win them over. Women are won over in an instant, it the spark isnt there you face an uphill task.
@shola:
How is it going gorgeous?
@nonsuch:
No long thing.... ;-)
@ziariz:
I accept that there is generally no hard and fast rule, however attraction cannot be denied.I know for a fact that women know what they want when they see it.
@thelma
Men and women are exactly the same, society has just conditioned us to view each other as different. Just my humble opinion.
@Last king:
whats popping?
@vera:
You are so sweet aren't you?
@anonymous:
Interesting views, i have to read it all over again and answer each point of yours.
@fan of mine:
U sure about that? ;-)
hey just read a couple of your last blogs, havent been here in a while, i am normally tres anonymous, i never comment, but an avid reader. but today, your last couple of posts had me in stiches, like reaally, i smiled, i laughed, i somehow got you where saying, loved the quote abt escargots on the champs elysee, why didnt she just say snails in paris ;-). having a dreary day. but somehow i am i am happy you exist and even though we will never meet, our paths will never cross, i am so happy that i can come once in a while and read... your write how my perfect man would talk.
and i have imagined you to be quite the chap. but this is blogsville, in the end i know u will have a big head, wear baggy clothes, and chat rubbish.
or maybe not! have a great weekend, i will think of u when i am eating pain du choclat at the eiffel tower!
anonym_miel
@anonym_miel:
Thanks so much for your kind words, I must say that it truly warms my heart to know that my random thoughts can somehow strike a chord with people. To be honest with you I don't have a big head (I don't take myself too seriously), no i don't wear baggy clothes (a little too old for that) and I sure as hell don't chat rubbish (I like to think that I do have some substance).
With regards to our paths crossing, it would be nice if you drop me an e-mail (boorishmale@yahoo.com) you can keep your identity secret, would be nice to chat to you sometime.
Have a great weekend, and do drop by again.
BM. :-)
"maybe if you plead with her to a great extent, her compassionate nature might compel her to administer a pity screw"
LOL!!! LOL!!! LOL!!!
LOL. *blushing multicolored*. Hmm, yes oh, I'm very sweet. Where do u think sugarcane came from? From me! It was supposed to be called Veracane, but the govt did not think it was a good idea to name it after me cause people might do voodoo on me. So you see, my dear, that is how sugarcane came around. But don't tell any1, okay? I'm tryna keep it a secret. *wink wink*
Anonymous just spoke my mind. When I leave comments 4 some bloggers, I often think (more like believe) I'll never get 2 meet the person anyway. I'll never get 2 know wat da person is really like... oh well.
But Boorish, you're very charming. I think I told u that b4. Perhaps, that's one of the many reasons all these women keep following u. In fact, I'm pretty sure that is one of the many reasons.
...sheesh, another long post. Honestly, I tried not 2 make it long.
~VeraCane
@veracane:
Thanks so much sweetie, have a wet kiss from me.
Your update times are so random!
Lol, anyway I also think its more complex than that. Depending on where your head is on a particular day you could feel attracted to a guy that day and totally not attracted under different circumstances. I do believe though that you have a general idea if you can sleep with the person or not but its not a concrete decision and changes based on following conversations and meeting....or lack of.
Like Vera said, I too cannot sleep with random guys like its a game but I won't go as far as to say I will definitely only sleep with a guy I love...its the plan...but sometimes the chemistry is there plain and simple and very tempting. Seeing as I don't know what love is, the lust could be mistaken for love and thats a tough one. Which is why i'm still celibate...may God direct my footsteps....
absolutely correct...
@Tminx
AMEN!!!!!
@DD:
Nice one!!!
Hmmm ... I'm not sure what I think ... I do think you're describing only a percentage of women here. Some women like to be chased because it proves the guy is really interested and others just like the attention, but a lot of women will not jump into bed with a guy not because they're not attracted to him but because they want him to be sure he's not just looking to get laid. But you're right, either way, you'll know if a woman likes you ... we're not in high school, we should be able to express to a guy that we're interested even if we're not sleeping with him.
Still finding this series very insightful!
@Vicki:
You have actually hit the nail on the head, I dont want a woman to just jump me, but I will not be strung along. This isnt high school anymore.
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