Sex and The Single Bloke Part 3

Horny married Naija women are an interesting breed , they have no qualms in making it obvious that all they want from you is a good time. My first encounter with a horny married chick was in the NYSC camp. Upon arrival at camp I was greeted by a cacophony of wails and histrionic hysterical behaviour. I go closer and I saw a bunch of women clinging to the gates of the camp trying to extend the little time they had left with their husbands.

"How sweet", thought Boorish as he hefted his bucket and travel bag from the car. "I pray my wife loves me just as much".

I joined the queue and observed all the poor souls that had arrived at the God forsaken NYSC camp from all corners of the country.

"As we dey so we dey suffer for Naija" Boorish thought as something strange caught his eye.

NOOO!! That can't be right, did she just take off her wedding ring?"

A week on and things were great, I was loving camp, I did all that I could to avoid the drills and spent most days consuming copious amounts of Star beer at the mammy market. One night the DJ starts playing 'Oko Ashewo' by Eedris AbdulKareem. As if on cue three married women walk in to the joint and start dancing. What was most worrying was that they had converted their white sports shorts into hot pants and their orange peel, cellulite city, wobbly arses were hanging out of the bottom of their shorts. The were booty shaking, backing it up and most shocking of all they were making it wobble.

"Oh! Lord" I thought to myself, "I understand backing it up and booty shaking but or heavens sake, how can a married woman stoop so low as to make it wobble?" At this point I knew the world was coming to its end.

Trust me these shameless rabid married chicks ended up leaving with a young dude in tow. Sadly one of them was the one of he women crying her eyes out at the gate when I initially got to camp.

"Boorish why are you posing for me?" Asked a married woman in the last few days of camp, (it was actually the bonfire night). "Is it because you know I like you?"

I was speechless, I used to talk to this chick a lot and she even introduced me to her husband on visiting day. Granted I spotted her a glint in her eye a few times, but I thought nothing of if. Granted she seemed to try and spend all her time with me, granted she cried on my shoulder a lot and always seemed to hug me crotch first, but this was too damn brazen for a married chick.

"Come boorish, lets got somewhere with less people"

"Why should we go elsewhere?" I asked hoping to embarrass her into backing off.

"Don't be shy, I'll suck you dry"

I nearly shed tears for humanity, I am not usually shy but in this case i had to stare at the floor, I gave my excuses and left, praying not to ever experience such again. Unfortunately the beast reared its ugly head and I had an even more traumatic experience with an old decrepit married chick that was hoping to make me her toy boy.

One of my best female friends invited me to a family gathering of hers, I hate to disappoint my people and made every effort to be there. In spite of the fact that I was suffering from a migraine I dug deep and made my way to her place. I got there and she came over to welcome me, she was looking gorgeous and I found myself wishing I had been the one that took her down the isle (she was one of those that got away.) We hugged and pecked each other on the cheek, as we did that I noticed a rather over weight woman watching us closely, looked again and realised that it was my friends mother. Later on that evening, I was slightly drunk and stepped outside to receive a phone call. As I made my way into the house I heared a voice say:

"Is that the young man I saw kissing my daughter?"

"Yes Ma, it is"

"Don't be silly, don't call me ma, you are making me feel old, come over here and have a chat with me"

I walked over and all I could smell was stale booze and cigarettes on her breath.

"Make sure you injure all these young girls out here" She said with a serious look on her face. "Make sure you pierce them all, when I was young I had a good time."

I already felt uncomfortable, but things took a turn for the worse, she rubbed my butt and pinched it firmly. It was bloody painful, as she had extra long talons as nails. I yelped, jumped back and excused myself, as she laughed, lit up a cigarette and poured herself another glass of Guinness stout.

"Get thee behind me, thou art a daughter of Jezebel"

I thought to myself as I left the room.

I met my friend at the door, and she immediately looked worried.

"I hope my mom behaved herself" she said, looking embarrassed. "She can be a bit much when she gets drunk".

What I have learnt from these experiences is that marriage is a risk, maybe your partner will cheat on you, maybe you will cheat. All we can do is trust in whoever we consider as God and hope for the best.

I shall speak on wealthy women that try to buy your affections in part 4.