Sex and The Single Bloke Part 5

Man's timid heart is bursting with the things he must not say,

For the Woman that God gave him isn't his to give away;

But when hunter meets with husbands,

each confirms the other's tale

The female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Rudyard Kipling

The Female of The Species.

One of my favorite poems is The Female of The Species by Rudyard Kipling, he spoke of different species in the animal kingdom and yes he spoke about us human beings too. I am inclined to agree with him, however I'd much rather state that the female of the species can be more deadly that the male. Why do I say this? In my view, in the age long battle of the sexes men have won by using brute force whilst women have had to compensate by putting their wit to good use. Nigerian society is patriarchal, and the men are generally smothered by women and brought up to believe that the world belongs to them. They are typically testosterone driven, competitive, macho and very childish creatures. They pride themselves on the number of women they can bed and do not bother to take a peek behind the curtain that separates men from women. Fellas if you consider yourself a player, i suggest you think deeply about this statement I was told age seventeen by a close female friend of mine, she said: "who is the player?" "Is it the person who convinces himself that he is smarter that everyone else or the person that keeps quiet, observes and proves that he is smarter?"

What brought this about? My friend lost her virginity to her considerably much older boyfriend, she was head over heels in love with him and was convinced that one day he would marry her. The dude in question fancied himself as a bit of a player, he slept with a few of her friends behind her back and was extremely smug about it. She eventually found out, and rather than lose her head about it, she kept quiet and schemed to bring him down a notch or two. My friend was very cerebral, what we had in common was that we both saw things a little differently that most other people. She slept with each and everyone of his close friends, she somehow manage to convince them that it was them that she actually loved and her boyfriend was mistreating her. so manipulative and convincing she was that they took the bait hook, line, and sinker. At social gatherings, she would sit there in their midst and they were all non the wiser. Eventually when she tired of them she moved on and till date i have no idea if they ever found out what went on or not.

The moral of the story is that women are a little more cunning than we are, hence i don't rock the boat. I give them their due and try my possible best not to view the world from the typical male standpoint. I must say, things are never quite what they seem.

Sex and The Single Bloke Part 4

I have noticed that in Naija guys make a strict distinction between the good girls and the bad girls, I have tried my best to come to terms with the grounds on which this distinction is made. I have realised that more often than not the guys ought to open their eyes a little. How can they equate a girl that has had her share of boyfriends with a girl that goes to the clubs selling her booty for money? How can they equate a girl that explored when she was young with a total and complete shag merchant, to whom sex is nothing but an act and you might as well shake her hand? I place no premium on a woman’s supposed virtue, I strongly believe that a woman’s virtue is mans greatest invention. So dudes, kindly refrain from calling her a hoe, a hoe is a woman whose story you just happen to know a thing or two about. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe this woman you have chosen to malign might just have been one you would have regarded had it not been that she played around in your social group? Maybe your own girlfriend or wife might have been some others dudes “hoe” at some point. I keep hearing guys come up with hair brained statements such as “my girl isn’t a hoe because she made me wait”, “she is decent because I worked hard for her”. What rubbish, a woman is free to sleep with whoever she chooses, just because she made you wait doesn’t mean that she lives her life that way, it could mean that you weren’t her spec and she just kept you around because she enjoyed the attention. Maybe all the while you were texting and calling she was giving it up to the dudes that she felt were more befitting of her. If you do end up with her and you two are happy, why should it matter to you if she was gaining life’s experience elsewhere?


The main problem a lot of guys have is that they are egotistical about sex and they tend to place certain women on a pedestal and choose to malign others. More often than not, these guys are not willing to accept that their wives might not be the creatures that they want them to be. A lot of the women that I know whose men view them as such are unfulfilled both sexually and emotionally, because they feel pressured into constantly playing up to this image that their husbands have of them. A female friend told me of a friend of hers who got married to a born again Christian. After six months of having sex in the missionary position, she tried to vary things a little, unfortunately her husband nearly had a heart attack. He called her a “wanton woman” and took her for spiritual counseling. Maybe the woman you love might be submissive and would love you to dominate her sometime, does that make her any less decent? Maybe she likes things a little kinky, maybe she likes sex with different people. Who are we to judge her? We are all guilty of the same thing.


Why insult a woman that chooses to express herself and explore her sexuality? Have you ever stopped to think that your innocent girlfriend might just be repressing her inner freak, and might just sleep with that good looking cool dude at the club if he so much as spits in her direction? People are people, women are women and men are men. If you call her a hoe, you might just be insulting yourself, your mom, your sister and your wife. She is who she is, just a person. We are all hoes in some way, shape or form…… Let them live.

Sex and The Single Bloke Part 3

Horny married Naija women are an interesting breed , they have no qualms in making it obvious that all they want from you is a good time. My first encounter with a horny married chick was in the NYSC camp. Upon arrival at camp I was greeted by a cacophony of wails and histrionic hysterical behaviour. I go closer and I saw a bunch of women clinging to the gates of the camp trying to extend the little time they had left with their husbands.

"How sweet", thought Boorish as he hefted his bucket and travel bag from the car. "I pray my wife loves me just as much".

I joined the queue and observed all the poor souls that had arrived at the God forsaken NYSC camp from all corners of the country.

"As we dey so we dey suffer for Naija" Boorish thought as something strange caught his eye.

NOOO!! That can't be right, did she just take off her wedding ring?"

A week on and things were great, I was loving camp, I did all that I could to avoid the drills and spent most days consuming copious amounts of Star beer at the mammy market. One night the DJ starts playing 'Oko Ashewo' by Eedris AbdulKareem. As if on cue three married women walk in to the joint and start dancing. What was most worrying was that they had converted their white sports shorts into hot pants and their orange peel, cellulite city, wobbly arses were hanging out of the bottom of their shorts. The were booty shaking, backing it up and most shocking of all they were making it wobble.

"Oh! Lord" I thought to myself, "I understand backing it up and booty shaking but or heavens sake, how can a married woman stoop so low as to make it wobble?" At this point I knew the world was coming to its end.

Trust me these shameless rabid married chicks ended up leaving with a young dude in tow. Sadly one of them was the one of he women crying her eyes out at the gate when I initially got to camp.

"Boorish why are you posing for me?" Asked a married woman in the last few days of camp, (it was actually the bonfire night). "Is it because you know I like you?"

I was speechless, I used to talk to this chick a lot and she even introduced me to her husband on visiting day. Granted I spotted her a glint in her eye a few times, but I thought nothing of if. Granted she seemed to try and spend all her time with me, granted she cried on my shoulder a lot and always seemed to hug me crotch first, but this was too damn brazen for a married chick.

"Come boorish, lets got somewhere with less people"

"Why should we go elsewhere?" I asked hoping to embarrass her into backing off.

"Don't be shy, I'll suck you dry"

I nearly shed tears for humanity, I am not usually shy but in this case i had to stare at the floor, I gave my excuses and left, praying not to ever experience such again. Unfortunately the beast reared its ugly head and I had an even more traumatic experience with an old decrepit married chick that was hoping to make me her toy boy.

One of my best female friends invited me to a family gathering of hers, I hate to disappoint my people and made every effort to be there. In spite of the fact that I was suffering from a migraine I dug deep and made my way to her place. I got there and she came over to welcome me, she was looking gorgeous and I found myself wishing I had been the one that took her down the isle (she was one of those that got away.) We hugged and pecked each other on the cheek, as we did that I noticed a rather over weight woman watching us closely, looked again and realised that it was my friends mother. Later on that evening, I was slightly drunk and stepped outside to receive a phone call. As I made my way into the house I heared a voice say:

"Is that the young man I saw kissing my daughter?"

"Yes Ma, it is"

"Don't be silly, don't call me ma, you are making me feel old, come over here and have a chat with me"

I walked over and all I could smell was stale booze and cigarettes on her breath.

"Make sure you injure all these young girls out here" She said with a serious look on her face. "Make sure you pierce them all, when I was young I had a good time."

I already felt uncomfortable, but things took a turn for the worse, she rubbed my butt and pinched it firmly. It was bloody painful, as she had extra long talons as nails. I yelped, jumped back and excused myself, as she laughed, lit up a cigarette and poured herself another glass of Guinness stout.

"Get thee behind me, thou art a daughter of Jezebel"

I thought to myself as I left the room.

I met my friend at the door, and she immediately looked worried.

"I hope my mom behaved herself" she said, looking embarrassed. "She can be a bit much when she gets drunk".

What I have learnt from these experiences is that marriage is a risk, maybe your partner will cheat on you, maybe you will cheat. All we can do is trust in whoever we consider as God and hope for the best.

I shall speak on wealthy women that try to buy your affections in part 4.

Sex and The Single Bloke Part 2

I must say that Nigerian society is intensely promiscuous, however we strive hard to hide our true nature under a veneer of decency and religious piety. In my experience, young women (16-25) in this country gain a great deal more sexual experience than the men in their age group. Why do I say this? Simply because they tend to get involved with older uninhibited men who have a great deal more disposable income than the young bucks, this is coupled by the fact that women tend to mature faster than men and the prospect of dating an older bloke is far more appealing than a young dude.

These young women have the opportunity to indulge in activities that they probably never imagined. They get to live a supposedly glamorous life, where they are wined and dined in the very best restaurants, indulge in wild sex, get sold a great deal of lies and generally hang out with men that are considerably less stressful than their male counterparts. The down side of this is that these young women generally get passed around by their older friends until they expire and a new bunch of green horns take their place.

The men on the other hand begin making up for lost time time when their pockets are sufficiently large enough to give off the illusion of wealth. It is not uncommon to find a man of thirty and above just begining to truly indulge himself and explore his sexuallity. Typically, at this stage the women in their age group are either married, looking to settle or literally shagged out. Women are generally so much wiser, more experienced and more worldly than their male counter parts.

I am gratefull that I grew up in sexually permissive Europe, and being a horn-dog totally out of my system, I cannot imagine attending these wild group sex parties that seem to be the craze in Nigeria today. I don't see the point in dressing up like a pimp, grooming and pruning myself, splashing on cologne, wearing a blazer in the heat of Lagos and hitting the clubs to prey on teenage girls. I would much rather stay home watching a movie or having a quiet drink with my childhood friends, than hang out at 'pot-belly central' (La-casa) on a saturday night. No more "take-away" for me.......


How is it going peeps? I missed you all!!!!!!

Sex and The Single Bloke

Over the last year or so, I have been repeatedly invited to a weekly Friday gathering at a married acquaintance's guest house. I finally relented and attended the party that took place last Friday. There was booze in abundance and at least thirty young "students" in the air early twenties frolicking with rabid thirty something guys obviously trying hard to relive their youth (or maybe make up for a wasted youth). It was an amusing scene, and the sexual tension in the air was so damn pervasive that i half expected it to turn into a full scale shag session.

"Pick anyone you want" said my drunken host as he handed me a glass of brandy. "Enjoy man, enjoy". I laughed and thanked him for his hospitality, but in reality the prospect of sleeping with one or a few of the girls in attendance had no appeal whatsoever. Why? Simply because I cannot operate on such a base level and make the effort for just a passionless roll in the hay. What happens afterwards? Do I have anything in common with them? Can we possibly be friends afterwards? Can she introduce me to anything new? Can she add any value to my life?

Don't get he wrong I like a good shag as much as the next person, but there has to be more to it than just sex. Sex is great with the right person, where there is some form of emotion involved, especially after a year of rampant shagging and you have learnt how best to please each other. I feel we at least have to be on the same page and share somethings in common.

As I left the party, my host stumbled up to me and asked "no take away?" I laughed and told him I was too tired. However, in reality I've had my fair share of shag sessions. What can I say?I guess I am a little different from they are.


It's good to be back! :-)

You Worked Against Me

I was recently interviewed at for a position at one of the banks. the interviews went well and I received a verbal offer from the MD. A few weeks went by and I heared nothing from them, I contacted the HR department and I was told that the position had been offered to someone else. I took it in good faith and didn't think much of it. I was a little peeved at the fact that the MD wasn't true to his word and out of sheer curiosity I contacted a friend of the family who looked into the issue, when he got back to me he said that all my documents had disappeared from the file, and the reason why I hadn't been offered the position was that they had no means of contacting me.

Upon further investigation it was revealed that a certain person in HR didn't like me and took it upon himself to do everything possible to stop me from getting the job (maybe he was unhappy that I would be earning more than he was). He stole my documents out of sheer jealousy.
You worked against me, but it's all love homeboy. The journey is long, I'll see you at the end of the road. You might just be working for me one day........

Hello All

It has been a while since i blogged last, it was indeed a welcome break I really needed to recharge my batteries and clear my head. I must thank all those that left me messages and e-mailed me. I was especially fulfilling to know how much you appreciated my mad rantings, before i fill you in on what has been happening, let me go read up on what has been going on in my absence.


Boor.