Is humility a virtue or a vice? I often wonder, is it in human nature to be humble or does circumstance conspire to humble us. Jesus was humble, the Prophet Mohamed was humble and boorish is humble.........................................
Can Boorish truly be humble if he places himself in such exalted company? My point exactly! This so called character trait is nothing but a paradox. I shall speak of this in the context of relationships.
Case in Point:
Boy grows up in ghetto, and has struggled from day one. He meets a girl and who has lived in the lap of luxury all her life. They fall in love and decide to get married, girl's father refuses to give his blessing to the union and holds it up for four years. He eventually relents and reluctantly allows the poor man to marry his daughter. Dude is introduced to a life of luxury, and quickly becomes accustomed to it. His father-in law never misses an opportunity to put him back in his place and he is often on the receiving end of barbs and jibes from his wife's side of the family. In their presence he displays nothing but utter humility and is grateful to his condescending father in law for changing his life.
Boy meets Boorish and regales him with tales of his good life, his car, his flat and how well he has done. Unbeknown to him; boorish has a huge network of friends and is aware the man's true. Should my friend the kept man not be humbled by his beginnings and his pitiable current situation? For some reason best known to him, the mere fact that he is slipping it to a rich man's daughter has given him the right to be arrogant. Sex must be an overwhelmingly powerful force; because it has made boy believe that he is ''rich by association" (or maybe I should say ''Rich by Copulation''). This guy might one day find himself ''humbled'' by Boorish's sharp tongue if he doesn't ''humble'' quit playing the big man.
Case 2:
I once was involved with a woman or should I say girl at university, we were broke students and she was even broker than I was. We were very different, I was this kid that left Nigeria and was transported to a British boarding school and from there set out to university, and she was transferred to the UK after five or six years at university in Nigeria only to start again from her first year. We were happy or so I thought, the boor was totally unaware that his girl was a social climber and judged him based on his broke student status.
Boorish a far far from perfect boyfriend, but they always worked their problems out or so he thought. She eventually graduated and moved elsewhere to study for her post graduate degree. Whilst at this new place she made friends with a few public school girls whose fathers were very wealthy (Nigerian military men in the corridors of power) and they made a show of their wealth. They never got involved with black men (I see nothing wrong with that if it floats their boat), and would do anything in their power to get a check from the onyibo dudes (to be honest their behaviour was quite embarrassing).
She conviently forgot that her friends orientation was not too different from mine, however, due to the fact that I didn't make a show of things, she felt that she was ''better by association''. She developed a deep desire for oyinbo public school boys, and my spies told me that she was spotted trying hard to get off with a few.
''So be it''! I thought and didn't tell her a thing.
We eventually broke up and she tried repeatedly to get back with me. I bluntly refused her overtures. Now lets analyse this; I would not humble myself and take her back. This was in spite of the fact that she made me happy, and her lack of humility caused her to lose her man (she still calls me till date). Is it a virtue of a vice? Is it a natural state of mind, or a by product of circumstance? Is it good or bad for relationships?
Women like a guy with a bit of arrogance and swagger, but in a relationship that pride might prevent him from opening up to her fully. Most men like a woman with a little front, and would dump on a woman that is somewhat self effacing.
Humility............. A paradox indeed.
All this blogging has left me hungry, I'm on my way to go eat some humble pie. I wrote this last night, about someone that was once special to me, do remind me to blog about her soon.
21 comments:
ummmmmmm! am thinking.
about the guy, before he realises it, he'll become a slave in that household. he better humble himself sharp before i come out on him and ask him what sort of man he is. boor u just keep ur cool with him, don't burst his bubble please. i kind of feel for him on the long.
about ur ex, could it just be that she was influenced and because every1 around her was doing that she felt obliged to do the same? but then we should be wise enough to know our left from right, without having people to navigate us.
plus we need to look down at ourselves and the people we hang with, to see if we are chasing the same dream, before we tag along their wagon, cause we'll just end up lost in the world with everything to loose.
now she still calls u, and wants to get back. woof! people never get it in their heads that there is a threshold into comfort and luxury, always wanting to come in through the back door. don't they realise that is considered as being cunning?
Boorish male! I did not know you were back to blogging again! hehehehehe, good to have you back!
I want to marry u
Food 4 thought...be back with my say.
It bothers me that because the woman are wealthy they dont bother to date black men. I find it really sad and it makes me to believe that they may have some insecurties. Also I'm an African-American woman and I notice that at my college study abroad students that are woman from Africa or African tend to only date white men. I'm just curious to know why?
Mr Boorish,
Case 1: I guess if he isn't a close friend of yours it would explain why he would boast about his 'so called riches'. He has to keep up appearances so you don't view him as a lesser man, as I imagine all the guys he hangs around with are self made men, so it's embarrassing for him not to be viewed the same. However, it isn't an excuse for him to boast especially as you never know who knows your business these days. Brother should be thinking of ways to make something of himself he can be proud of and boast about. Whether you are born with a silver spoon in your mouth or a wooden spoon, one must always be humble in whatever setting they find themselves in. It is left for his good friends, if they are aware that he behaves like this to advise him before you punch his lights out (lol)
Case 2: What can I say, this sounds like a girl who isn't happy with herself, is insecure and is easily influenced by her friends behaviour. I guess you could say she copied them to be like them, to feel like she belonged, which is sad. At the end of the day, you can't hide from your true self.
Personally,I believe humility is gained as a result of a person's upbringing. We were all taught how to behave as children, but most importantly we all watched our parents behaviour and copied. So if a person's parents were always bragging about what riches they had, chances are the offspring will do the same or it would come natually to them and if one's parents were humble chances are the children will be too.
Having said this, your 2 situations above I think are as a result of insecurities.
case 1: It is not your place to put him in his "place." Don't you think his phony play at being a "big boy" is a masquerade that even he needs so that he is not constantly faced with the humiliation of his situation? You pointing out the obvious to someone who is trying to survive in a fantasy, is like poking at a sore...beneath you.
Case II: Your ex. Some females (people for that matter) imagine that luxury / financial stability equates happiness. She was looking for it. You could not provide it. I am not sure how well you have done for yourself but imagine that she has had a chance to re-evaluate her life. people err. if you like her, what is a second chance but a second chance? If you were in her shoes, wouldn't you want one?
If she is still rolling the fast way...then I am so sorry for her.(actually, not really) Living like that ages you.
I can't define humility. I do know that a humble person does not try to hard to do so. They are comfortable in the skin they are and neither need to big-up themselves or bring down themselves so others can be comfortable. They are just ok.
Be safe and calm
@lighty:
I really feel sorry for the man that I mentioned, some people fail to realise that certainn things are more important than money.......
How is it going?
Waffi:
I dey o...
@anonymous:
Are you sure about that?
@babzent:
waiting for your views.
@memphiz
Let me tel you something about Nigerian women, A LOT of them view a white partner as some sort of a staus symbol, something to discuss with their friends and compare notes on their experiences with these men. I have nothing against interracial relationships, in so far as they are based on respect and mutual affection. However, I was DISGUSTED at the lengths that these girls would go to date white men, chasing them around the place, being the butt of so many jokes, throwing sex in their faces and eventually they beat the men into submission.
I remember whilst at university, a fat Greek once said to me "Nigerian girls have huge gaping p***sy".
Some status symbol huh?
I know the sort of woman that I want and she will be one that exudes and demands respect. They are a rarity these days, but I will find her.
@nia
People need to conquer these insecurities. All they do is hold them back.
To be honest BM,i believe getting married to you would be too much of a hassle.Think your blog is supercool
@anonymous:
This is interesting. What do you mean hassle?
Humility- Virtue vs Vice Mmmmmm???
Na Virtue,jare. Me tinks its born from d strength 2 look @ d truth w/o flinching.
Few of us can stand under d light of truth and not want 2 crawl under a facade or 2 seek justification in - my personal favorite - "pity juice" (o woe is me!)D sad part iz others c d truth AND d charade. Which makes d whole enterprise exasperating.
When u said u wouldn't humble ya sef 2 take galfriend back, i'm assuming it waz bcos ya pride was hurt (understandably)& u weren't willing 2 let it go. I don't tink releasing u're hurt is particularly "virtuous". It's more self preservation , a healing process.
If u had made u're decision based on whether a)u couldn't live a lie by staying wit her or b) staying wit her, knowing she has a problem & u're willing 2 stick wit it, then i believe the decision waz a virtuous one.
As 2 it's role in relationships... a little living wit d truth would smooth a lot of hurdles. Dat is how person was accused of being "emotionally sluggish" bcos she no front after bobo no call 4 1 wk.Na sin 2 tink sey 'im truly busy? Or d 1 i really can't stand..if u show say tru tru u like person , na so dem go won pull power over person.
Ehn? C drama bcos person try 2 be live inside trut :)
how come i did not get a response?
all the things u say are true but we must not 4get that most african men are very disrespectful and might i add beyond childish.....yea yea call it stereotyping but u and i know that 9 times outta ten, a nigerin man would always go out and brag abt shaggin ms lady b4 a white man even thinks of doing so. this is just one of many examples by d way.
i would take a wild guess and assume that this whole problem stems from the way our men treat their women.
R these ladies goin abt it the right way? Definitely not! but we can't just point the finger on one person.
boorish u write so darn well. like honestly! not 2 flatter u at all. u shld consider publishin ur work.
ok i think i commented on the wrong post.
the comment was meant 4 ur most recent post
catwalq:
I was simply thying to com,e up with a response special enough for you.....
ok! let me butt in here and be all nosy.
how come catwalq didnt get a response?? i actually really liked what she wrote and was looking 4ward 2 a response from u on that.
How the hell did I miss catwalqs post?
@catwalq:
Yuo are totally in my head babes. I have come to terms with my irritation with the wannabe big boy. God bless him. If being silly makes him feel better, then by all means; everyone deserves to be happy.
I am so not bothered with that girl, she is nothing but a story from my past. It would never have worked anyway.
Would you describe yourself as humble?
@i'm a babe:
I missed her post altogether.
so true, food for thought
@last king:
Na so my brother
Now I'm at a loss because, here I am thinking that humility was a virtue one aspires to and all the while, it's a paradox. I'm not happy you've made my head hurt. So not cool.
Honestly, you've given me food for thought and now must ponder this new idea.
I do have a question: What if one is humble but makes no point of ever mentioning their humility, does that still count? I mean, eventhough you mentioned you were humble, at the same time you mentioned Jesus and Mohammad, it doesn't necessarilly mean you placed your humility in the same context as theirs. Now if you did, then you are not humble by any means. If you didn't, you are humble and it's just that your level of humility is vastly different from theirs. Ok, I have to stop now, my head is starting to hurt. See what you've done?
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