''Boorish what is going on?''
''I'm at home watching Pan's Labyrinth''
''Why are you at home?'' She asked. ''Shouldn't you be out in town?''
''Can't be arsed''
''Look Boorish, I hope you realise that you are very eligible and there would be so many girls out there that would love to be with a man like you.''
''Gaddemit woman, worrahell did you just call me?''
''Boorish calm down i didn't insult you''
''Kindly repeat what you just said to me''
''I called you eligible''
''Eligible?'' I asked. ''Eligible for what''
''Oh, come on Boorish don't play dumb.''
''To what do I owe the honour of this new found status."
My friend gave me a good number of reasons, but not one of them was to do with character. So what is this eligibility? Does it simply afford you the opportunity of mating with more mercenary mistresses? I am definitely not a social butterfly, I have a huge network of friends, but the last thing I want is to be a man around town, so I guess my new found eligibility will not garner me any further social points.
A recurring theme in my conversations with women is the issue of potential. I have heared it time and time again:
''I cannot marry a man who does not have the potential to be rich''.
I marvel at the arrogance of these women, they set so many standards and requirements for the man, but can they really judge the level of a man's potential? Fortune is capricious and she may smile on the most unlikely of pretenders. Can these women truly be sure that the image put forth by these men with potential might just be a charade? I could easily lie to a woman and spend large amounts of money on her and give off the illusion of wealth, and she would not be in a position to know better. All she would be taken with is the ''potential'' that is before her.
So if these women are so quick to put these conditions on their affection, I wonder why the hell they are still single. I had the misfortune of interacting with a rather crude and bush unmarried 35 year old. All she was talking about was what the man must have, the sort of family he must come from and how long his dough must be.
I don't mean to be nasty, but that chick has totally missed the boat, she mentioned family, but she had no living parents and came from a rather poor background (which generally doesn't matter, but it seemed to matter to her a great deal). She lacked sophistication, but still aspired to marry above her station, so much so that she turned down all offers from those she judges as unworthy, and is still single today.
Eligible? Worthy? I don't care about these labels....................
Simply judge me on my character.
59 comments:
I think money is a BS reason to get married. Women like that are going to be single all their lives. Why cant they say they personally have to be rich. Eat from your own labour i always say. Marriage is a partnership. The Bible says we should not be unequally yoked. So if you want a particular type of man you must be on his level in everyway except gender. Thats just my piece on the matter.
character, hmm! these days i realize it is almost as flippant and ambiguous as wealth...
I don't know about 'potential to be rich', but i do know about 'potential' full stop. It's only natural to want to be with someone who wants to, and has the ability to make something of himself. Nobody i know wants to be with a wishy washy waster with no positive ambition, which by the way, is an aspect of character.
I personally have no desire to carry a man through life
@unbiased:
Thanks for your contribution
@is:
My sister hit me with that again....
What do u mean exactly?
@undacovasista:
No one is asking you to carry any man through life, and just as no man should carry you through his life. I am refering to the maercenaries that are so prevalent in nigerian society.
They are hounds.
I ought to blog about some of my experiences with them.....
its a good thing u touched this aspect of life with jupiter and mars today.
we ladies are too fond of declaring what and what not we associate our potentials with of which i think is very selfish.
ever since i became single, i have enjoyed the knowledge unfolding in me. i've come to realise that it is absolutely wrong to ask what you cannot offer.
1. why ask for a good looking man, if u're not good looking? dont u think that good looking man is worthy of a good looking woman?
2. you want a man of good character, and urs is foul but you expect him to love u the way u are?
3. wanting a well to do man when u've done absolutely nothing to better urself. so u expect that man to hold ur hand in public and speak of u proudly?
i think women should think on what they can offer their men and not what can be offered to them.
same applies to the men.
@Lighty:
You are absolutely amazing, you are a women apart. Thank you so much for getting it, you hit the nail on the head.
Some Nigerian women are the most selfish, self absorbed and self serving creatures. They speak of men in terms of what they have to offer, but they generally have nothing to offer the men either. Funny isn't it.
Errrm, u might want to cleanse out your group of friends, if they are harassing you like this...
why can't people mind their business, jare?
I see no harm in setting standards though. Like, for me I will not tolerate infidelity. You have to have some education so you won't say that I am lauding mine over you. The day you lay a hand on me is the day you meet your maker or at least the nurses at the critical ward in LUTH. I am open to what you want in bed, but I don't do excessive pain. I am willing to give my all to this relationship if you are willing to do so also....you know, and so on and so forth.
Money is secondary. It might be gone tomorrow. But I am not sure I can be with a man who either does not match me financially or surpass me (at this point actually, all men do. Okay bite me, I am still a student) cos I cannot be dealing with your insecurities about my career...
Excuse my long comment
This post is on point. Well done man.
Ah, but isn't the man meant to be the 'breadwinner'? I know these days it's usually a joint effort between the man and woman (and rightly so), but its taken for granted that once a man takes a wife, children follow and everything that that entails and really, the buck stops with the man. That's just life
I take your point about mercenary women who are only out for what they can get, though.
@undacova:
Hmmn........
The buck stops where the couple in question chooses. There is no hard and fast rule for these things, just keep an open mind I say. I know of some couples where the man has fallen on hard times and the woman has had to prop him up for a VERY long period. Does the buck stop with him there? For crying out loud, i only knew of their issues because they told me, if not I would have never known.
@aijay:
Thanks
@Catwalq:
What has money got to do with it? If I was to say that I will only date women whose fathers can influence my success, would that be fair? I keep an open mind about these things because we do not know what hand fate might deal.
So really why should it be an issue?
Ladies demand "potential"...all well and good,but I say it takes one to see one.As much as its natural to want a man(d supposed head of d family)who knows his right from left,what about d lady in question? When shit happens & d guy can't live up to d perceived potential,is d lady ready to support him tru those times,or its just time to move on to better potentials? I believe in d statement "it takes two to tango". There's always a balance,cos d pendulum always swings both ways.
Could someone define "potential" in this context pls? A lady preferably.
Very well said Boorish... character is solid, it's been moulded and forged over time through experience and conviction - it's not about what a person says and the principles he spouts at every turn, it's about who he is underneath all the externalities, when you've stripped him down to brass tacks... the weakness or strength of a person's character is usually revealed over time, but only to a person who's looking for it... and sadly, we often fail to see it cos we're too busy worrying about fleeting things... looks, money and popularity are all very nice, but they cannot compensate for a lack of character. Also, they could all vanish in a heartbeat.... and if there's no character, everything will fall apart.
I like your comment here about keeping an open mind - I think one of the biggest pieces of fraud we buy into is the idea that there's some kind of winning formula for marriage or that the man and woman must play cardboard cut-out roles. There are many roads to happiness - I say whatever works for the two people concerned, whether it fits into society's mould or not.
Sorry for the epistle.. LOL
The Nigerian society has become a very materialistic one, everyone is looking for riches even in marriage where it should be about the relationship between 2 people based on their character.
Whatever happened to wanting a man you can grow with, build a future with but most importantly be happy with, because at the end of the day that's what's important.
These women who are after riches, need to rethink what is important to them.
Money has a lot 2 do with it. Let's not live in a fools paradise. A lot of women have the experiences of their mothers, aunts & sisters to go by & they ain't tryin 2 repeat them. A little more kudi in d relationship provides more options in making it work. i'm not saying money is all important, but it sure greases the wheels.
If i choose 2 commit myself 2 another human being for d rest of my life (with all its bumps) it's only fair dat i hedge my bets to have the least stressful life. More often than not, women r left "holding the bags" of d relationship. And a little insurance policy ain't so bad.
As long as both of them know wats d deal... its all good.
ok this is getting too long. i'll stop :)
@lightly relationships by definition require give & take.yes i do think of what i'll offer, but i can't limit my thinking to dat alone. i have to be able to count on him to offer what will sustain me. Not just monetary needs, but spirtitually, physically, mentally ati be be lo. To do dat i gatta declare my "potential list" just as he declares his. Now d list may change, or re-prioritize, but its a good thing 2 have.
I also don't think it's such a no-no to want someone better than myself. If he's got better character - groovy; it might rob off on me. If he has achieved more than myself - wonderful; His discipline/ways might rob off on me.Beside d odds of finding someone who is just as fine/ugly, share d same character strength/flaw and achievlement level are pretty slim.
Boorishhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,,hehehe.
good to see u back
@babzent:
True words my brother, the most laughable thing about it is that so many of these women are still single today. He must have this and he must have that, but they are still wallowing in perpetual spinsterhood. May God bless them all.
@daddy's girl:
as always you are right on the money......
@aa:
Leave them to it, they are nothing but narrow minded cretins. It is really sad but that is the way it is. I guess I will stay single for a LONG time, I have a long shelf life and might just import some non Nigerian woman and keep her happy.
@Shola:
Thanks.
Character is all very well and good but everyone men included are searching for character plus a little bit extra. That little bit extra could be good looks or money. depends on the individuals values.
Speaking for myself I refuse to downgrade and if that will keep me a spinister for life then so be it.
By downgrade I mean I refuse to take on a man who will offer me a lower standard of life than that which I can provide for myself. Seeings as I'm not doing too badly that rules a lot of people out. Am I picky? Maybe but I did not spend all this time and effort busting my gut to have to settle for less. Yes character comes into it but character on a bicycle is not for me.
Firstly I admire the high opinion you have of yourself but you have besmirched this by making such a base assertion.
Firstly, what exactly do you mean by downgrade? I know nothing of where you are coming from, but a little experience will teach you that life is a cycle of ups and downs, and where you are today will not be where you will be tomorrow, it could be better or it could change for the worse.
So if for example your family or your husband was to fall on hard times, will you up and run because you cannot imagine yourself downgrading?
If you were to lose your means of livelihood, should that make you less attractive or eligible? I mean you are the same person aren't you?
I was decribed eligible a couple of days ago, using your analogy I was definitely less attractive when I initially came home and was doing the NYSC program. Oh! I guess coming home and taking a step back moved me lower down the pecking order and now I have taken my rightful place in the eligibillity stakes. That is really base.
You didnt spend all this time busting your gut to settle for less? Well then, I might as well say that I will only marry a woman whose father is influential enough to further my career. Afterall I have worked hard and busted my gut too.
Character on a bicycle wont cut it for you? Little Girl Lost,life has a strange way of humbling people, be careful what you say you might just see that life is not as you think.
This is why I do not care for the Nigerian way, I am far from poor, I grew up very comfortable, but I decided early in life to find my own way, by virtue of this decision, I have busted my gut (as well) to get things done. I have fought more battles than is apparent from my demeanour or background. I guess it is due to these experienceas that I do not share your views.
I have worked too hard and been through too much to be saddled with a woman that is not mature in her thinking, and sadly the typical Nigerian woman is spoilt (or would like to believe she is), mercenary and rather callous.
Kindly note that my final point is not directed at you.
We obviously see things differently...No biggie. I don't expect you to understand my POV since you don't have all the information and I can't flow with your POV as I see Character as one factor out of many, rather than the only factor to consider.
What you refer to as the nigerian way is not unique to nigeria and is not unique to women, in fact I am not nigerian but hey ho.
@little girl lost:
What this is meant to be is just a social commentary, I do not expect anyone to go ahead and marry a dude that is below their station. However the focus in these parts is strictly on money.
Money will come and money will go, when it is there, great, but what happens if it choses to visit someone else? I am speaking from experience here........
Anyways, I do vlue your opinion even though I don't agree with it.
@ ibilola:
me finks u've totally missed mi point hur. lol!
now, here's the deal, when i say think of what you can 'offer' i direct it to the man and the woman. it only seemed narrowed because the topic is directed to women.
the point is why base your potential on things u're not capable of giving? this includes the spiritual and be be lo, not to forget.
don't you think the opposite sex is worthy of the same?
and yet we make this list and stand by it and remain single, and finally marry late to someone that does not even cut the first two lines of the list or marry someone who has been living a lie just because he or she at that time made through the cut.
if we all enter a relationship having our partners interest in mind, we'll have a beautiful return. something like paying your tithes, 'pay a little and gain in abundance'.
no one is saying you should not make up a long list of what and what not you want in a partner,
thing is, look at yourself in the mirror, inside out, is the list reasonable?
yes! wish for the better, but are you capable or bettering the character in your list?
or are you more of a greedy cow who just wants to take, take and take and have nothing to give? because if thats the case it is obvious u will be over demanding, sooner or later the relationship would turn sour because it is obviously one way.
woman often say they want a man as their protector and the leader of the home, the stronghold, this and that. the bible rules it. but the bible also says we should be submissive wives. i hope we all are abiding by the rules.
because all women do is compete with the men. the slogan is what a 'man can do, a woman can do better' we struggle to be neck in neck with the men (we are already taking up strong roles in society, e.g firewomen e.t.c) still when it comes to being submissive, we play the modern day card.
think about it, is it fair on our men????
men don't have a problem playing their roles, at least real men don,t. women on the other hand have a huge problem maintaining their roles. it is either we do too much, or we don't do at all. girls, u're driving ur men crazy, find a freaking balance.
@Lighty:
I am so impressed at your wisdom and your abillity to think independently. Most women want to be modern and compete with men but be traditional kept wives when it suits them. It does them no favours because they have a short shelf life and will expire (for lack of a better word), in no time. Some say they would rather remain single than setle for less than that rich handsome tall man that will sweep them off their feet. I say get ready for spinsterhood baby, and it is not fun.
Women especially Nigerian women are a little too self absorbed and egocentric to see the big picture. What they don"t understand is that a lot of men have actually grown hate women. They have their daliances with them due to the fact that they are not homosexual and the true dislike that is harboured towards them comes to the fore after marriage. Imagine being a guy that had always bgotten women and is confident, you go through a rough patch and then some woman feels she has the right to pass a slide rule over you and judge you solely based on the present circumstances (it happened to me and some crazy girl I dated. She lost out because four years later I am prospering and she is festering in spinsterhood, depressed un happy and watching all of her closest friends get married to their long term loves. I wish her all the luck in her life, those cold nights in New York cant be easy). Almost every man has a similar story to tell, now tell me if I meet some woman today that judges me based on my present circumstances, and we eventually get married, chances are she WILL NOT get the best of me....
Be careful what you say and be carefull how you treat that man because tables will always turn.
Lighty you are a woman after my heart.
Wow!
Boorish Male, mehn you hit the nail on the bulls eye! Well written post!
@NIGERIA POLITRICKS:
Thanks mate.....
... a person’s disposition, qualities, temperament, can be as vague, uncertain, superficial as wealth. There’s still the issue of integrity. People do not live up to their moral fibre. You think he is nice, loving, caring, ambitious. Or she is unassuming, pleasant, self-sacrificing. in time you see through the facade. Those qualities were never there... it was just a charade. Just as it is with wealth, there is an impression we get about people, and on knowing them we accept, but only turns out to be false.
Wow - so what is your character then? Because this too can be given falsely to the ladies.
I thoroughly understand your post and it got me thinking too that men in general may not be too keen on being labelled as eligible.
The problem that we ladies make is to think we know alot about men and that they are not too hard to figure out, and here you are challenging that misconception. Many out there like to been seen as men with "potential" but here you are also informing us ladies that this isn't necessary a good habit to have.
Your example is on point and its just a shame that instead of us ladies looking for ways to help our men, instead we prefer not to do anything. However this is not the general attitude of ladies nowadays, as most ladies like me, are mostly skilled and we are not out to look for men that come from a family background to take care of us. But more that he is successful within his own rights to boost his confidence and not to be intimidated by the success of his woman.
Great read as usual. Looking forward to the next series.
Be yourself,
Do unto others as you want them to do unto you(give&take),
Focus less on him/her(be it character,money, and whatever)you're both in d same predicament(hoping d other is d ONE),
In this case, like attracts like, and
Pray hard folks, really hard, cos when all is said and done, it takes something close to divine intervention(whatever u c that as)to get it rite.
All da best in d search for the ONE !
seems a little off,but just think abt it.D pendulum swings both ways.
This is a very touchy subject, but i second what lighty says. Yep, money while its the absolute best to have and would even buy you temporary happiness would definitely not keep you warm for the rest of your life.
But you should know that its what has been programmed in our minds, successful, rich guy/girl = Jackpot!
So you dont really blame people (i wont say women, cause men are guilty of this as well) for having this mindset.
Many women who married for the sole purpose of money or "potential" are seeing the fruits of their labor, yep they say he can do anything he wants outside, as long as the money is coming in and believe me they do.
Loads of people want a mate that is either rich or has the potential to be rich.
What women/men i think in my opinion should have or say they want is someone who is hardworking, i dont mean has the "potential" to be hardworking, but hardworking period.
Because boorish hardworking comes hand in hand with one's character
Sorry for the long comment
LMAO ''those cold nites in newyork cant be easy''.
I Absolutely love ur blog, the way you see things, its almost surreal. I was awake all thru the nite reading ur posts and I was so impressed. All i can say is hope there r many guys like u out there and hope u find 'the one'.
Its so funny how these days just making a decision regarding whether to date this guy or that guy comes down to mathematics. Just the other a friend of mine was tryn 2 make a decision regarding whether she should date 'the stupid guy who never has time, but has everythn and is ready fr marriage' or the really sweet guy who is still goin thru proff exams. What ever happened to just living....these days theres too much talk about levels,money,job,levels,money,job,levels,money,job....i'm not saying one should just marry any1 but everyone has to start from somewhere...the mathematics is so unnessasary and a tad bit insane.
Pls keep writing you give me so much hope that 'real people' still exist cos its so easy to lose ur way esp wen surrounded by it all.
@isi:
It is worrying that so many people chose to decieve their partners, it is so short sighted, because the truth will prevail eventually. I have blogged about this previously.
@life of a stranger called me:
I am a person that presents himself with no airs and no graces, it is ultimately counter productive to present misrepresent yourself because the truth will out eventually. This blog presents me stripped down bare, it presents all facets of my character; the gregarious side, the reflective side, the sexual side and the much repressed emotional side. I try to be as honest as possible in my dealings, but it is getting harder and harder in this society.
I strongly believe that the objective of having a partner is to empowere that person and vice versa, by empowerment I mean being loyal and supportive, defining what works best for the both of you irrespective of societal mores and running with it.
Women today need to realise that a man must work for his wife and a woman must work for her man, support them and most importantly boost their partners confidence, help them believe in themselves, be selfless and most importantly be loyal.
I do not like to be labelled, I am not taken by flattery or female attention. It is all so fickle and the veneer of self confidence one gets from such easily fades away.
@Babzent
True words.
@Nneka:
We are definitely on the same page here, as I said in an earlier post money is a visitor, conditions are transient but what stands firm is character. Life is a voyage one moment you may bask in the sunlight, sailing along with no problems and then you may be dashed on the rocks the next moment. If this comes about, what do you have to cushion your fall? Sadly most people don't think this way.
@anonymous:
Thanks so much........
boor! no slacking o! its three days now. u are supposed to be making up for ur long absence. i'm expecting some kind of 'sexathon' going up in here. non-stop relationship, sex, love, friendsip, affection, thirst, hunger, desire, itch...etc etc issues oozing out of this blog.
so, update!!!!!!!
@ISI:
Working on it.......
@light:
hmm interesting to hear a woman speak like this.
if real men don't have a problem finding a balance; why do u think there aren't any real women in naija that can find a balance?
'unreal' wommen seek comfort (they expect their men to give them everything they desire)- this is their 'vanity. and 'unreal' men seek beauty (they want women enticingly endowed)- that is their own vanity. vanity+vanity= vanity.
it is wrong to presume the nigerian woman is lacklustre concerning true value and worth as it pertains to relationships and men.
are u aware that the highest percentage of nigerian women are those working tirelessly under the scorching sun in dirty markets? would you say that large number are selfish and inconsiderate and helplessly latching on to some man to care for them?
on the radar are those working who DO NOT FALL UNDER THE SELFISH KIND. i work in a vibrant industry in Nigeria, i meet zillions of people, and I KNOW many nigerian women are not waiting to be spoon-fed. it is unfair to place us on that pedestal.
on the other hand, for the very tiny percentage that is waiting for manna from a fine brother (the group our BOOR is unfortunately having to find himself around), then i can only say this: if the men stop seeking desperately for beauty (the vain type: dead-right gorgeous with mammoth breasts, curvy butt, tiny waist, hot legs etc etc); then may be the girls will stop seeking for money (the vain type: sleek ride, mansion-on-lease, ten zillion designer shirts and shoes etc etc.
its a fair world, you get what you give!
@isi:
Let me tell you something, it might hurt,but we are all allowed to speak our minds here.
It shows a distinct lack of character not to be honest with ones self enough to see the point I am making. Greed and selfishness is not limited to a small group of Nigerian women but it is a general problem in Nigeria.
My girl Lighty has shown a great deal of character in seeing the truth in what I have said and in not choosing to go the typical route of getting her back up and not accepting the truth. The good majority of Nigerian women are as I have described, but they lack to character to admit it to themselves.
A perfect example is a 'runs girl'that will not admit to being a whore. She fucks for money but will justify what she does by saying that she does runs and does not turn tricks. Like wise a gold digger would say that she only is attracted to men that are succesful.
Where else would you find such a high number of girls at university selling their asses to any man willing to pay the right price? It just has to be in Nigeria. Why do they do it? Mostly to buy that Prada bag and expensive jeans.
I know of women that have good jobs and yet they will screw for money to augment their salaries. I know women from good families, that hang out at the most exclusive society spots in this town but behind the scenes they engage in the same thing.
I know of a good number of women that have a collection of girls that they pimp to rich men. These people appear in all the society pages and are hailed as 'Big girls'. Would they admit to being prostitutes?
Look inwards and try not to think with the pack.
Just my two cents.
Get out of my head, lighty...lol! You totally hit the nail on the head. I couldn't have said it better myself.
People seriously need to focus on what they're bringing to the table as well. Like the saying goes, "life is not a bed of roses" and I'm sure most men want & need a woman that can hold down the forte if/when shit hits the fan. You can't go through life expecting to be spoon-fed. I really wish we would all just stop being selfish & focus more on giving than receiving. If the world focused on giving & enriching eachother's lives, then we wouldn't have to worry about being depleted because everyone is giving their best to all.
@ Boor
Another thought provoking post. Good job! Can you please elaborate on this statement though;
"now tell me if I meet some woman today that judges me based on my present circumstances, and we eventually get married, chances are she WILL NOT get the best of me...."
Maybe I'm just having a blonde moment because I don't quite understand the statement. Are you saying that anyone u meet now won't get the best of u because she didn't see ur struggles?
Oh my! I can't believe I just typed another epistle. I promise to keep the next one short :-)
@miss prissy:
Nigeria is a very harsh place and the women are generally a little rough arouns the edges. I do not want to get burnt and I guess I'll have to protect myself as best I can. Moving home has made things that much harder for me to let myself go.
i agree Boor! but please be fair! if naija has turned to what it is today with our students lacking of morals and our 'big girls' selling their bodies for a prada purse, then the blame should be laid on both sexes- the women and the men.
the girls need the money, and the guys need the sex, so theirs a trade. who's to blame- everyone! not just the girls!
i sense a deep disgust on your part concerning naija women, and it hurts! seriously!!! because a society is responsible for the way its people turn out.
do understand that i am against that lifestyle, but its a hard knock life, and these are the consequences of a decrepit society.
we can disagree amicably, can't we? no hating please. its not necessary because i appreciate ur point, and love ur blog. but try and see the other side of the coin- not everybody is selling themselves.
phew! (*tired; shaking my head wondering why boor is hating on me and trying to drive me out of his blog because i have a contrary viewpoint)
be a sport boor! the state of nigeria is a debate that shouldn't draw blood.
i'm reading on ur comment for the umpteenth time and i'm wondering, how can u say i lack character and i'm dishonest because i do not buy into your point?!
i'm just looking at the issue from another perspective (lest we beginning to sound myopic), because no matter what u say or how many people agree with u, the point remains that all naija women are not freaking whores!!!!!!!
@isi:
Please don't be mad. i am really sorry.
@isi tank u jare! Couldn't have said it better. Was brooding d whole of yesterday trying 2 come up with a 'chilled' response
boor, for d naughty behavior u have to give us part 14, 15 and 16 b4 d weekend ;)
still luv u tho...and lighty 2 even tho i don't think u've represented d sista well well sha:))
very well said Mr Boorish.I married my husband for his character and his integrity.He comes from a very humble background but he has the richest character I've ever seen in a man,is intelligent,hard working and loves me and our child.People were shocked when I married him because they expected me to marry someone with a'name' because of the family I come from but now everyone envies me and my girlfriends say they wish they had a husband as devoted as mine.Nigerian girls really need to change their priorities but this vanity is ingrained in the whole system and culture.Anyway,you will lay on the bed you make.I wanted love and peace in my home and that influenced my choice of a husband.I didnt marry for vanity or so pple will say I snagged the son of so so and so.i dated a couple of so called sons of big names and was appalled at the shallowness they exhibited.i'm not generalising but this was my experience.
ok ibilola you got yourself a deal.....
@Anon
There is nothing like being happy.......
I have just bent over and I am giving myself a severe thrashing on my behind (no mean feat I assure you. Takes years of practice.)with a belt for not having you on my blog roll.
You're on!
Idemili.
At this point, Boor I'd beg to differ on the presumed percentage of Nigerian women that would drop their skirts for some bucks.
We all see life from diff perspectives which is shaped by our experiences amongst many other things. I agree wt Isi on the higher percentage of women dt burst their arsses trying to keep their families together "bread or milk winners".
Nigeria has a bad image from activities of 419'ers and scam artists.What percentage of Nigerians are the perpetrators.
I have my reservations about the blanket use of d phrase "most Nigerian women". I feel you made a good point with the piece you wrote,but,I think it's gotten to the point of generally insulting Nigerian women as a whole. A rotten egg does not make d whole basket bad. I believe our women deserves better credit. Most of those that I've met are great people,and d larger % of fools or whores that I've met are men, who would stick their thing into anything(be it for a few mins of ecstasy or benefits).
PERSPECTIVES & PARADIGMS!
Sorry abt d length.
Am I a bad person for leaving a good man whom I had dated for a long while, but who my family pressured me to leave becos he did not have a college degree; while I on the other hand was multi-degree decorated?
Hey Boorish,
You seem a little more than jaded about Nigerian women. Eh ya, sorry.
I agree that Nigerian women put unreasonable pressure on themselves to catch the "right" bobo to marry and it can get to be rather disgusting. I avoid socializing with women like that because they can be rather posionous.
Indulge me, but how old are you? I am sorta guessing you're in your 30s. You are in the generation just older than mine - I am in my mid-twenties and I think we differ from the ones you describe (who I am assuming are in their 30s - gosh going out on a limb here coz I might be very wrong about my age assumption, but allow me).
We tend to be independent, driven, financially secure (well more or less, peeps like me are still poor though LOL), and are keenly involved in charting lives to achieve our goals. Typically, we are seeking mates who complement us in terms of character and ambition - recognizing that the responsibility of bringing food to the table falls our shoulders as much as theirs for the sort of "modern lives we want to lead." We want to enrich their lives as well as they enriching our lives. It boils down more to a give and take relationship than a take, take, take and more taking relationship.
Indulge me once again and call this a new breed of the Nigerian woman :). Just look around blogville - TMinx, Aduare, Mona, Bella Naija, etc (who are I am mostly pretty sure are less than 30). Going by how they present themselves through their blogs, they seem nothing like the women you describe in some of your posts. They are interesting, smart, adventurous and willing to offer as much as they receive.
As much as there are many gold-digger 9ja (and in fact non-Nigerian women) out there, there are quite a few who are not looking for that free ride and you should be looking out for such women - even in 9ja!
What I am saying to you my friend is that you might be dealing with a generational issue here.
Just curious to know if you haven't come across at least one non-materialistic lady in Nigeria?
its not money per se, its the expectation of a particular standard of life for me. Its not potential to be rich but potential to provide a comfortable lifestyle combined with my income. I will not marry a carpenter no matter how much "character" he has. Ambition is important for BOTH partners. Dont misunderstand me , I wont marry someone just because of his wealth. My mother made that mistake and I learnt from watching her. He doesnt have to come from a particular family too. Do not underestimate money, it is VERY important whether its transistory or not. For those of us who have seen poverty ,it becomes very important. I understand your perspective but realize we live in the real world. Money makes the world go round. i would rather be misrable and rich than misrable and poor.
im sorry boorish, but every time i come to ur page i end up feeling like you hate nigerian woman. are you saying you havent met any basically good women. we cant all morally deficient.
Boorish, you should be flattered that people are trying to set you up with hot single girls! And I think 'potential to be rich' is simply another way of saying ambitious and I don't think that is a bad quality to be judged on.
@idemili:
Why thrash yourself with the whip, when BOORISH is here to do that for you.
@Babzent:
I am not insulting Nigerian women, this is merely a social commentary.
@anonymous:
I cant tell if you are a bad person or not, I do not know the circumstances that surrounded you leaving your ex.
@nole:
I a totally jaded. Yes I am in my thirties, truth be told i am 30 years old. Maybe it is a generational thing I don't know. I tend not to socialise with younger women much. Probably due to the fact that I am not much of a night clubber these days.......
You have made some brilliant points, maybe there is hope after all. I am most impressed by the fact that you didn't try to justify the actions of all those mercenary mistresses out there.
@anonymous:
I understand where you are coming from and you have made sense. The mere fact that you mentioned combining your incomes sets you apart from a lot of the women that I have met. They simply wish to suck the man dry.
@femme:
How can you even think that? I am fair to Nigerian woman, please read my other blogs in the series. How can I have Nigerian women? I simply hate what this society is.
@vickii:
Ok so what if the potential to be rich was taken out of the equation, due to circumstances such as a temporary job loss etc. Would these hot young girls still ba asking to be introduced to me? Maybe i should blog about my experiences when I initially got to Nigeria.
character is key bro.....so many women are soooo lost they would fit perfectly on the hit show 'LOST'
@lighty- I AM IMPRESSED WITH YOUR UNPARALLELED WISDOM SHOWN IN THIS FORUM> GREAT WORDS LOVE.
@nole:
It is definitely not a generation problem. I have seen younger women throw themselves at men for a glass of champagne and not being ashamed of it. I don't blame them because they and everyone around them view this as an acceptable way to behave, so if anything the situation is geting worse. Gone are the days when manners and morals mattered, nowadays they have gone to the gutter.
It is up to women like us who believe that character/personality count for much more than how fat a man's wallet is to effect change for the future generation of Nigerian Women.
@TLK:
Thanks so much......
@nia:
We must dare to invent the future.
The debate/discussion continues here:
http://atutupoyoyoblog.blogspot.com/2007/10/blog-post.html
@undacova:
Going to check it out now.
I don't know how i came across this blog, but I feel the need to comment. Moreso, because a very "successful" aka rich guy once asked me why I'm with a poor student and not with someone who can take care of me like him.
My answer was "he might not be rich now, but he has the potential to be rich".
The key word here is POTENTIAL. Face it or not, character is important, but then money is equally important. Character won't put food on the table neither will it pay the bills.
I may not be rich now, but I know that i'm working towards a career and also have the potential to be rich, so I want to flock with a bird of the same feather. Character is found in this "potential" as well. The guy does not have to be the breadwinner, but I don't want us to be dependent on my salary. Even if my salary can support us, we would be able to live a better lifestyle if the guy is .... ok, now I'm just misyarning!
bumight:
God bless you, you picked on a point that I was praying a lot of women would discern. You mentioned that bird of a feather flock together, that simply point you mentioned proves that YOU truly understod the point that I was trying to make.
I do not expect any one of you to date any person that they cannot relate to. My problem is that some girls are intent and determined to be mecenary.
Case in point: I remember speaking to my friend who had two marriage proposals, one from a Doctor and another from a 419. the girl chose the 419 and he is in jail today. And she is left to fend for two kids. How does she fend for them? By shagging aroung........
Post a Comment