Sex and the Single Bloke part 11. The Illusion of beauty.

''Boorish when will you get married?''

''Boorish your boys are all married with kids''

''Boorish stop playing around and settle down''

Boorish have you gotten a girlfriend yet?''

I hear this shit all the time, so much so that when I see my parents and some old friends I know exactly what is coming.

Why am I not married?

None of your bloody business you nosey so and so.

Why am I not settled?

What makes you think that I am not settled?

Is marriage the single way of judging a man's state?

Are you happy in your marriage?

SPARE ME THE BULL CRAP.

Case in point: My friend has been married for a couple of years, every time we meet up for drinks, the poor blighter never wants to go home.

''That woman is driving me crazy''

''That woman is so fat''

''Yesterday I got home and she was wearing a pair of ratty tracky bottoms and was smelling of egusi''

''Oh! Man! I haven't had good sex in a year, she repulses me, I hate her''.

''I should divorce her''.

''How can I divorce a woman that has given me such a beautiful child''.

''Boorish, she bores me''.

''She is not the woman I married, she has turned into a monster''.

''Boorish have a child, but don't keep a woman in your house''.

I hear the poor bugger come out with all these complaints daily, to be perfectly honest his wife is a babe, but he was caught up in how gorgeous she was and give little thought to how compatible they were. As far as I am concerned the illusion of beauty can be the one of biggest sources of disappointment in life.



Imagine getting married to this absolutely gorgeous person, on the surface this person has everything you ever dreamed of, you date for a year, spend a lot of time together and eventually get married. A month into marriage you notice that your spouse has the habit of recycling her flaky, crusty and skid marked underwear because she is too spoilt to give them a wash (true story, my friend eventually had to load dozens of thongs into the bath tub and wash them himself........... talk about being emasculated).



Imagine getting married to a babe with what appears to have a gorgeous body, you are totally taken aback by her hips and booty, she makes you wait before you finally win her over, (in reality, she had some other dude sorting her out on the sly). You hook up and get married, then you realise that her booty that looked so inviting in those apple bottomed jeans is in fact cellulite city, her small waist was in fact enhanced by a body shaper, she wears a girdle, her breasts look like deflated rugby balls and she wears a wonder bra.

Are there really babes?

Some might look good with all that make up on, but once it all comes off, the pimple scars show, her glass eye might get a little wonky, you might not like the sight of her coffee stained false tooth soaking in cleaning solution by your bed. Her weave has the thickest, smelliest, dandruff coated thicket of undergrowth propping it up.

Is she still a babe then?

I need something more than just a pretty face or a woman that looks good on my arm, beauty is just an illusion, (but I love it so).