Can you forgive your partner/husband/wife cheating on you? I am sure that most people out there would claim to be a one man woman or a one woman man, however in my experience people may start out a relationship with the best of intentions, but somehow things dont go according to plan. In my past i seduced enough girls in serious relationships to know that; because ones partner strays does not mean that the love has dissipated. Mistakes happen, people get restless, all sorts take place in these things that we share with one another, in my view if a relationship can be salvaged, then by all means don't throw it away over some meaningless act.
I believe that it is against human nature (both male and female) to remain with a single partner.Hence the need for honesty and openness in a relationship. If you feel the need to cheat talk it over with your partner and come to an understanding. I cannot deal with lies, but i can forgive anything if my woman is honest with me. I am of the impression that there is no hard and fast rule to determine whether a man stays with his wife following an affair or vice-versa. Society is faced with a problem created by crazy moral rules that ignore human nature. Yes people cheat, and people will always cheat. I think that we need to stop fetishizing the act of infidelity and get down to the brass tacks. Accept that your partner stands a good chance of getting it outside, and if it does happen, look beyong the irrelevant act and focus on what is more important.
Just my two cents.....
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24 comments:
But do you think its as easy as you stated? When you profess your love for someone that means you decided to be with them and share all that you can all between eachother, not with a third party. If there are tendencies for you to fulfil your sexual rage with more than one partner, rather not be with just one, have a field day than the partner have the premonition that its all one and one.
Honestly speaking, I wouldnt mind if my partner is cheating if I dont get wind of it, provided I do, it wouldnt go down that way. We all have the traits of promisicusity but we just need to keep it real sometimes!
My 2 kobo!!
***Who is the new lady keeping my brother cool in Lagos? Or you still looming at large ;) *** hahaha
Dude, my point is that we need to be open about these things, i have no intention of ever cheating again, but i cannot guarantee that i will never do it again. I am honest with myself and i cannot be a hypocrite and take the moral high-ground if i am on the recieving end of infidelity.......
@naija dude, i am still behaving myself, funny enough i actually had the opportunity last weekend, a good friend of mine stayed over at my place. I know she wanted to but i behaved myself and didnt take the offer up, i just wasn't feeling her like that..........
I dont know how much longer i can last though.....
lol!!!!!
Hmmm interesting point of view ... I have to say though, I don't share it. As far as I'm concerned, if I had a boyfriend/husband and he cheated on me, it will be over because I wouldn't do it to him, and not because I won't be tempted (lets be honest, if you are with someone long term then you're going to be attracted to A LOT of other people) but because his feelings will mean more to me than my urges. And if I ever stop caring about his feelings to such an extent, then I'll have to deal with the fact that there might be something wrong with the relationship.
I'm curious though, are you saying if the future mother of your children said to you, 'hun, I love you and everything we have together but there's this guy at work who I'm extremely attracted to. I think if I sleep with him once I'll get over it'. Do you think you'd be fine with that?
Vickii, the future mother of my children, is just another human being isn't she? Anything is posssible, so i have made the decision not to let my ego get in the way of things.
Hmm...it's a tricky one. I think it also depends on what angle you look at it from (ie as the cheated or as the cheater, Lol!). I don't think that I'd be able to forgive (or forget) being cheated on. But what you say about single partner-ing being against human nature is interesting. Judging by the number of people (of various nationalities and races) who do stray, you may be right. I'm going to have to think about this one a bit more.
If cheated on, i don't know if i'd forgive or not. It's more likely i won't forgive because i don't think I'd understand or be able to rationalize why he did it.
Your statement "I believe that it is against human nature (both male and female) to remain with a single partner.", is interesting, but i don't believe that.
@April
Do give it a thought and let me know the outcome....
@nilla
I personally think that we let our ego's cloud our judgement at times. If my woman strays, and i feel the relationship is worth salvaging, then we will work at it.....
Have a great weekend guys!!!!!
Its one thing to say it, and another to deal with it. Im sure if faced with the situation YOU will act differently. You hate lie, so infidelity isn't a form of lie - I think it is - It makes a mockery of what you have. By falsefying it. How you deal with it is different, but u need to take appropriate action to make sure it doesn't happen. The appropriate action is up to you!!
Okay Boorish Male, I've now thought about this somemore and I'm going to try and keep it brief.
I've concluded that while it is natural for a husband/wife/partner to admire beauty and/or any other attractive qualities in someone other than their own spouse/partner, it isn't correct to say that it's against human nature to remain with a single partner. Some common reasons for cheating include excitement seeking, falling out of love, curiosity, lack of common goals, incompatibility, and boredom. With this in mind, I think that if couples are more open and honest with each other; and more willing to rectify the situation by acting on the concerns and views expressed by each other, then they are more likely to be able to be successful at maintaining a long and happy 'monogamous' relationship.
My two pence!
This has nothing to do with this post, but I was reading your favorite phrase: "cherchez la femme." Thats also the title of a few songs by American artists. My fevorite version is by a group called Dr. Buzzards Original Savannah Band "Cherchez La Femme/Se Si Bon." I LOVE that song! You should give it a listen!
L
I think you and I should get married!
I can forgive my boyfriend/husband/whatever if he cheats PROVIDED that he is honest with me, provided we dont play that game of finding out 5 years down the line when the new woman is carrying your love child.
I just demand honesty and if that is what you give then I believe that you have my best interest at heart.
It's the lies and deceptive part of cheating that has led me to lose relationships.
That is the one part I cannot stand.
Dont hide it from me, JUST TELL ME.
So yes I can forgive if cheated on based on that.
My 2 pence! ;)
@Lola Gets
Haven't heared the song, but will endeavour to check it out.
@Mphahlele
You never fail to impress me, It is great to finally come across a person on the same wave-lenght as I am. I cannot and will not condemn another for ac act that i can not guarantee that I wWill never commit. If i love her and it is indeed a genuine mistake, and she was honest with me, why should i cut off my nose to spite my face?
@The Life of a Stranger called me
I am not condoning the act of cheating, i feel that a good relatgionship isn't worth losing over the fact that your woman let someone else hit it. If i see him in public and he chooses to gloat, i'll laugh at him because he wont know for certain if his girl is playing him or not. Besides any mature person should realise that because a person chooses to sleep with you does not improve your lot in life. It is merely a physical need and I place no premium on a womans supposed virtue, even if she has slept with the entire world, if i love her, i love her...
@April
Thanks for contributing your two pence ;-)
My point of disagreement is where you describe cheating as a 'meaningless act'.
I don't think it's meaningless to have sex with someone if you are in a committed (and sexual) relationship with someone else. It surely does mean something - and that 'something' needs to be understood and dealt with - it differs from person to person.
But I don't believe in the whole 'it just happens' there's-no-reason-for-it thing. I think the 'human nature' argument is just another cop-out that refuses to dig beneath our assumptions to determine the true reasons for our actions.
And I also think it's erroneous to assume that ego is the only reason why a person doesn't want his/her partner to cheat. It should go way beyond that. For me, it's more to do with love, commitment and intimacy.
@daddy's girl
I guess we have totally different views on sex. To me it is simply a physical need; the urge to mate. It is so not a big deal to me.....
HOw is it going by the way?
Hey, it's going ok - looking forward to finally getting a few days off work. How are you?
Yep, I guess we do have VERY different views. Reading my comment again, I guess I feel more strongly about the subject than I ever knew.
It's always good (and interesting) to hear a different p.o.v. - so thanks for sharing yours!
What does LOVE mean to you?
am really curious to know.
By Love i mean the Love between two partners who are married.
I am not talking about the crushes that one has...before the wedding.
and the Love for a dad or Mom or sister or brother or a friend is different from that for a life partner ...because we dont indulge in Sex with those people...and wont raise a family with them.
So having sex and raising a family should be exclusive to the life partner..right?
even cats and dogs and the entire animal kingdom have a go at it without that wedding ceremony.
Man is an evolved creature ....not an animal ...so the morals ...so the rules and traditions,i believe.
Some code or conduct of behavior should be there...otherwise...whenever wherever with whomever everyone would be doing it.People would go berserk.
Imagine your Mom/Dad practising what you believe in ? How you would have felt as a kid to know that He /she sleeps around though they are forthright or honest about it?
had to mention those respectful people just to make you realize what you had expressed.
am eager to hear what kind of love you would offer your life partner...presuming hat you do have one or would have one:)
The sharing of the mind - soul- body -and everything with a person takes one to the highest level of bliss.The cosmic orgasm of the mind....personal experience...otherwise it is just a physical release .
Just some thoughts...
Hope this okay to comment
@Anonymous
What does love mean to me? I haven't given it much thought to be honest. I have never been in love, the only time i think i came close, the relationship fell apart. I believe one should marry the person whose madness you can deal with and shares the same vision as you.
I never condoned the act of cheating, all i am saying is that i can look beyond the act, why? Simply because it is more than likely to happen in a marriage so wy not try to be understanding as opposed to being judgemental? Why get sexually jealous when the person you are with doesn't belong to you? I am only being practical here. Besides almost two weeks ago my older friend walked in on his wife giving some 25 year old dude a hum job (she was a serious christian, but an undercover freak). Shit happens i guess
:-(
Yes, man is an evolved creature, but we do more than often give in to our primal urges don't we?
Give it a good thought...
I just started reading your blog yesterday and i am wondering where the hell have you been.
I have never been bothered about the act of cheating,it is bound to happen anyways.People get bored and when they do,they start to look outside
I cheated on an ex a couple of times bcos the sex wasnt as explosive as it it used to be( stupid reason but stuff happens!)
I guess he noticed i was acting a bit strange bcos he asked if i was cheating and i told him "Yes"
We were together for 2 yrs after that incident and i was the one who ended the relationship.
I would never tell a partner that i want to cheat but i wouldnt lie about it either.
I think women need to undestand that people cheat not because they dont "love" you anymore but it "just happened"
John Legend's song number one is the best explanation for cheating.Straight to the point.
I have a lot of male friends and i know what they get up to being their chick's backs but it doesnt mean they dont send them any less.
You know what i think every one should do what they feel is right for them.
Fade
lovely blog!
@dede
Thanks
@Fade
At last someone that understands the way things are......
i beg to disagree, i think it is "lazy" of u to assume tht u cannot achieve fidelity in a relationship because u can especially wen that relationship is a marriage, God! at the risk of sounding sanctimonous wht happened to even the fear of God!I agree how convenient of me to think tht of all the 10 commandments thou shall not commit adultery is the only one i choose to so strongly keep plus i forgot.....boorish does not believe in God!,my bad.
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