The doctor detected two heartbeats
The scan confirmed it was true
That my girl, my lover was pregnant
With not one baby but two.
We were pregnant, in our early twenties and a couple of weeks to graduation, i was adamant that we keep the babies, get married and take responsibillity for our actions. "Twins are a blessing" i used to say, she agreed to keep them and trust that i will be true to my word, i already imagined what my children would be like and how i would dedicate my whole life towards having a sucessful family. One day i got a call at 11:45 am. "I just had the procedure, i decided not to keep them, i must think of my career, sorry babes."
Then it dawned on me that never will i get to see them, hold them or care for them..............
They were gone..............
33 comments:
I'm guessing this story is true too, and something about the way you wrote it makes me sad... and now I'm actually short of words...
I guess what I'm really curious about is: are you still hurt about her decision? Do you wish she had gone with her previous decision? Or do you now think that her choice was the best option, not only for her but for you? Or do you think it was completely her choice to make? Please feel free to not answer me, by the way, those are very personal questions and you have EVERY right to keep the answers to yourself.
I had to scream NOOO!!!!! after reading that. Was I told I have a compassionate heart?
You have a gentle soul, you have the heart of an angel. With the wake of that you turned around still and had the courage to apologise for the excesses of your youth while lots have been meted out on you!
I believe we are all human, we are no different, but I would believe those experiences didnt mold you to become the person you are today?
Despite that happened, although I feel the pain, the shattered hopes and dreams, the joy of a young man becoming a father. The lives of two youngun's taken away selfishly , chosen over career. Its tough, but I dont think it left you a bitter man because you are a strong man. Your experience empowers me, how you relate it gives me courage to be a stronger person!
Despite, you are still the prospective Baba Ibeji. We are obviously coming back for "Ibeji's ikomo" sometimes pretty soon :-)
Great blog as ever ;)
@daddy's girl;
Am i still hurt by her decision?
I guess in a way i am, It is n ot everyday one has the opportunity of fathering twins. I have dealt with it as best i can but there is still the sadness that comes every now and then, it is probably due to the fact that I had my mind set on keeping them.
Do I wish she had gone with her previous decision?
Yes and no, she made a decicion for herself i was not factored into the equation. In my view she was too individualistic to be my life partner. It probably would have turned messy eventually.
Do I think it was completely her choice to make?
Yes it is a woman's choice, however things become a little blurred when the woman makes plans with the man, and makes him believe that they will shoulder the responsibillities together.
I hope this is ok!!!!!!
Thanks for dropping by.
Ha! Two children?!?! That is huge!! I don't know how some women can bring themselves to do terminate such! Okay, shouldn't she have thought about her career and insisted you wore a condom before the did was done? I don't care what anyone says, except a woman is raped, she is in control of whether she gets pregnant or not! It's not up to the man. We know that men only think with their dicks when they're hard. I take it there were no morning after pill then either! Big shame!!! Ibeji, lanti lanti!!!
@naijadude, i never realised how much it hurt till i blogged about it, this is probably due to the fact that i never told a soul. Thanks for your kind words, you might not know this but YOU inispire as well....
@desola, lets not judge anyone, it is sad and oh so painful, but casting aspersions and apportioning blame gets us no where. Thanks for reading the blog...
Hmmm... your answers to my questions show that you have actually thought things through and been able to deal with this painful experience your way.
The pain of loss may always be there, but you seem to have made peace with the outcome - and that is a major accomplishment.
I'm glad you didn't let the experience make you bitter towards the young lady. I personally wish she had made another choice, but I guess that's between her and God.
I'm glad you also realise that getting married might not have been the best plan either - you may have ended up bringing up 2 miserable children in an unhappy environment. I don't think people should necessarily marry because of pregnancy, the child can be kept without the parents getting hitched - but that's another tori.
Anyway, well done.
I lovw twins and I'm hoping to have at least one set!
More kids will come and it will be just right!! Cheers!!!
@calabargirl, thanks so much for your kind words.
@belle, thanks for taking time to read the blog.
Dude...that was an awesome blog....I cannot imagine how much that hurts for real. I give you props though for wanting to keep them because fathering one child is one thing....twins....wow...have a great week
@babe; thanks so much......
This is so short but simple and very sad!
You're not going to believe me but I'm working on a fiction piece at the moment and this is the exact scenario that I've written ... seriously, to the letter! If this is your experience, I would so love to talk to you about it ... bring some authenticity to my writing. If you wouldn't mind please email me at vickii373@aol.com No problem if you'd prefer not to talk about it.
Great blog by the way, and interesting name ... care to explain?
@vickii, from one aspiring writer to another, i will be more than happy to help you with your novel. The name i chose for my blog harks back to a brief but intense romance i had during my student days in wales. She had on a few occasions described be as a boor, and as a surprise i took her to see the Anton Chekov play called The Boor...........
The story can be found on a previous blog of mine right here: http://boorishmale.blogspot.com/2006/11/reminiscing-on-love-that-never-was.html
wow this is deep.....i am loving this blog.
@onb, thanks a lot, i hope my fertillity will produce quads next time!!!!! I have forgiven her, because i know that there were times i wasnt on my best behavior, if i was a saint then maybe i could look down my nose at her. I lost the moral high ground a while before the accident took place.
@funmi, thanks for reading my blog...
Wow, intense and also quite sad. It is sad because twins would've been amazing but at the same time I understand why she didn't feel she could go through with it. I guess what really hurts is that she made that decision without you.
@monef; thanks for reading the blog...
it is very very very weird how you are tapping into my emotions.
they were gone is exactly how i am feeling, it was there and now it is gone. we are doing fine, we never said it was too soon for us in our relationship but there was just something, being young? him struggling to get through school? my family? me losing my family? there were these other things stopping us...and then it was gone, just like my other child left, just like the one before it left all on it's own, but they are gone now and now i dont know what to think, i dont know how to feel anymore, i'm tired of being strong. "He" was very upset about it, very very upset, he cried and cried and I was afraid he would hate me considering the fact that walter had died and all he craves for is another child. But we both understood, we couldnt have a child. I'm tired of not being able to keep my children, i'm tired of thinking about them, i'm tired of getting upset at my situation right now, i'm still very controlled by my father and somewhere inside of me I want to have children, raise them the way I expected to be raised, raise them in a way where they aren't afraid of their father, aren't afraid to be our children. My mind is running in circles right now and I may not be making sense, I have blogged a little about it, I will have to blog again because my head is still all mixed up.
sorry my comment went on a bit there, i lost the focus of what I wanted to say. From watching my boyfriend I can only imagine how you must have felt, how you must still feel. These things never leave the mind. I wont ask what you felt was best because I know both thoughts come and go when dealing with this situation, do you find you are somewhat angry at this lady for excluding you from the process?
My boyfriend wanted to be everywhere and was rather upset when he couldnt come into the procedure room with me. And that was the hospitals rules.
I dont know all i can send right now is a hug, a big hug.
It's okay, it's okay, everything happens for a reason. everything.
@Mphahlele; I have bottled things up for years, not a tear was shed by me,i never spoke about it to anyone, whenever she got upset, i would hold her and wipe her tears, but i would say nothing. I have been so strong on the outside, but dying on the inside.
Life can be so tough!!!!!
Mphae, I thank you again for coming here......
Oh! no!
Hey. I'm sorry that you ahd to go through that. It is commendable of you that you stuck by her and supported her through the tears etc.
I am pro-choice so feel that it was her decision to make. She definitely should have discussed it with you or at least told you about her decision before she did especially as she knew your views. But maybe because you were soo adamant about keeping it, she couldn't bring herself to talk to you incase you convinced her not too.
I think men are in a very difficult position when it comes to pregancies out of wedlock. I guess that is why it's called wedlock - once you're married, it removes a lot of the questions/doubts/options. I hope you've been able to come to terms with it and moved on.
@noni,
As always i appreciate your views.....
Keep them coming.
My bro got his girlfriend preggers,
They decided to have an abortion,
She went for a scan and the nurse said to her, she could hear 2 heartbeats,
My bro's girlfriend ran out, hitting my brother, screaming have you got a history of twins in your family?
My bro said yeah!
She made the decision to keep them
I am a proud aunt of 2 beautiful twin boys and each time i look at them i thank thier mom for keeping them,
I totally understand the way you feel, i feel that way sometimes,
I am really sad about the decision she made, i found myself in a similar situation.... "i regret my decision till today, my nephews could have had cousins to play with.....
It hurts, really hurts, i was totally selfish, i always blame it on being young.
What if.......
I always imagine to myself.....
@anonymous@ try not to blame yourself for what happened, keep your head up!!!
O my God, I'm sorry. That must have hurt. Always wanted twins so I have a soft spot for them. It is well. Still browsing through your site, maybe they'll be more updates?
Thanks daisy.... :-)
WOW ,really touching story,
I willnot sayI understand how you "felt" (Just reading it) but like you said, you was\is too indivdualistic to have shared her life with you.
But you must understand that it was aver hard decision to make on her part too.
When one gets pregnant young,you are scare and unsure. A whole lots of things will go through your mind.
Now that she calls you,please do the best you can for her.
Nice post.
I'm really sorry for your loss. I would never try to justify what she did but I guess being guilty of the sae crime, I can only say I understand. For that reason also, I can tell you that she wakes up covered in sweat at night, that her mind reaches out to form features of faces she never saw. It's like a gash in your uterus that never heals. She hurts as much, if not more than you do.I have spent the last hour at work reading your blog and have come to the conclusion that you are not quite the boor you imagine you are. Keep blogging cos I'm going to keep reading.
@anonymous
Thanks so much for your kind words and for reading my blog....
I guess it is true that I am not the boor I was, I am presently the new and improved version. ;-)
This one has me stumped. Don't know what to say to you that could possibly make you feel better. Saying that time heals all wounds is trite and as I well know, there are some wounds that never heal, we just learn to live with them. I'm really very sorry this happened at all. It's enough to make one crazy, thinking about those children and imagining what they would have been if given a chance. I agree with anonymous though, whatever you're feeling, she's feeling too and more. Those two little people were a part of her and because they never got a chance to grow inside her like, she'll miss them forever.
Be prepared, you may have loads of kids but they'll never replace the ones you lost. You just learn to live with it.
Pele...ogadinma
@adummadan, thanks so much for your kind words.....
omolomo,wu knws wht was going thru her mind, she probably tot u were not going to ff thru with ur decisions ,i mean we've seen cases whr a guy promises heaven and heart(not a spelling error and all pun intended)only for the magician of a 2 disappear into thin air,i like the fact tht u rrealistic and unselfish abt the way u reacted
because like u said ultimately its the girl's decision to take. There's all this oohs and aahs cos its boorish whom we all love but hey! shit happens, wht abt girls who have been at receiving ends.in life, we do not always get wht we want.
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