Another day, another wedding.
Another victory parade for the bride.
Another groom sacrificing his liberty.
Another man submitting to the whims and caprices of an in-house dictator.
Another woman morphs into a bedroom terrorist.
Maybe I eventually will get married, maybe I'll do Vegas. Maybe it will be your typical stylised Nigerian wedding, where at the reception the dashing groom(at least in my case) dances in with the bride. The bride in her excitement at finally having her victory parade, throws all convention to the wind and proves that the stereotype of the demure bride is nothing but bullshit. She then proceeds shake her girdle supported ass whilst pretending to dance the "YAHOOZEE", but in reality she is holding her diamond ring (in reality it is a cubic zirconia, but what the hell. It looks good)up in the air in order to spite all the single women in the crowd.
"YOU CAN HATE ME BITCHES"
"BUT I HAVE A SLAVE NOW"
"I WILL CONDEMN HIS ASS TO A LIFE OF SERVITUDE"
"I WILL SEE TO IT THAT HE WORKS HIMSELF TO THE BONE TO SUPPORT ME AND MY (not his) CHILDREN".
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against marriage, and even the brides are not quite as monstrous as I paint them. The only issue for me is that most women don't wish to be married, all they wish for is a wedding. They want to wear the white dress (even though they ought to wear any colour other than white), and partake in the pathetic, spectacle that they have reduced the marriage ceremony to.
I remember a conversation I had once.
"My friend is so lucky"
"How so?" i asked, attempting to feign interest.
"She met her husband six months ago, at a wedding reception, and he said to himself that the next good looking girl that walks through the door will be my wife. And then my friend walks in".
"What if they are not compatible?"
"Who cares?"
"Pardon me?"
"Look Boorish, it is every woman's dream to me married, and have her big day".
Her friend, did in fact have her big day, so big and tasteless it was that there were belly dancers at the reception, and famous comic rehashing some old lines. All the supposed society people were there and they all had a big ball. Unfortunately the break up of the marriage was so dramatic (more like apocalyptic)that was more talked about than their carnival of a marriage.
Happy ever afters? we'll see.
Matrimony? Maybe.
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31 comments:
lol...you make it seem like a trap...I am gonna trap whoever walks into my trap...honey trap ....
Boorish, i'm still laughing... @ this, @ the sex & the single bloke series, @ all of it. 1 question: What r u running 4rm?! The wedding is as much 4 the parents (who want the chance 2 show off even if its with borrow pose or lay away) as 4 the bride (us women are brainwashed early by those happily ever after fairytales). So yes boo hoo 2 the groom but he should b happy that he gets 2 marry his one true love. Don't do vegas u'll pay later & it won't b pretty. As 4 cubic zirconia...don't do that either...our eye don shine past that one...try diamonique instead!!! ;-) lmao
matrimony???
trust boorish, one day u would. and u would love every little bit of the wedding too.
lol.
but honestly, a six months proposal obviously that aint gonna go no where, OBVIOUSLY.
i think money splash and like u said 'bland' ceremony is all they wanted.
lol *side eye* about belly dancers, they must av been high on some strong weed.
So young, and yet so bitter. We are not all like this...yes, yes, I know you said this too but it didn't cover the bile with which you made all the other statements.
I'm doing Vegas. And Ankara cloth. No white shit, no fuss, no mess, no bling. Luckily, he feels the same.
lol! You really did manage to make the whole marriage thing look like trap! But ur description is kinda apt, most ppl concentrate on the event without any thot to life with the choosen partner afterwards.
Boorish is back!!
looool @ the discription of the cubic zirconia-weilding bride!! its funny u say that....my bf is always talkin abt how many of his single female friends will be pissed at our wedding day.......but i totally get ur skepticism. sometimes we miss the bigger picture that is marriage..........
Boorish is back yay!!!
I have to agree that there are a few home truths in your statments about the marriage epecially in the Naija scene, but sometimes in a few cases some are genuinely in love and want to share that moment with all. The fact that they are not conservative by nature does not been they are just giving a show.
Yes a lot of Bridezilas exist today in fact 90% of the time they just tick boxes and entrap a poor dude by hook or crook. These girls succumb to different forms pressure from all angles and it can sometimes be hard not to.
We all hope to marry for love and for the right reasons, these days many dont. I feel as bitter as you on the issue. I am 26 and I have 3 friends of the same age who have been married and divorced. They thought it was love but they were just putting up a show for all, parents can sometimes be the ones wanting the show even more.
I will definitely marry the one I love for the right reasons, one day thats for sure. You too Boorish. Stay cool
Can I just say "Dashing groom"???? Someone's in love with himself. LOL
you make it seem like a trap!, neways, its quite true that a lot of girls can't see past the wedding, blame it on the disney princess movies.
I love your blog. I wish you would write more often.
Now on the topic of matrimony. Naija women just scare me period especially the ones that think a woman is crazy if she doesn't "grab" the next rich man that sprays her with dollars and marry him, even though they may not be compatible.I get the impression that everything about life at home is a show. The idea that a woman would just want a wedding and not care about what happens afterward ludicrous. Marriage should be about mutual love and respect. Maybe it's every woman's dream to be married in Nigeria...because it is entrenched in the culture. A woman that's not married is seen as incomplete but all the same that doesn't justify the crazy the "ish" that is going on in Naija today.
LOL...boorish!!! lol...mehn..
but really this man u got me thinking is marriage eternal servitude to a woman?
U dey make me fear ooo...
hmm.It is that bad I suppose. I do think marriage should be treated like a child. The wedding is the celebration of the birth where excitement about the bundle of joy will be evident. But after the birth you love your child and are loved in return, you nurture and allow to mature. If only people would remember that weddings are a celebration of an impending marriage and not just a big party.
its ur boy here, u know who. u r on point with this piece. wedding is for the night, marriage is for life[or at least till it breaks]. both parties have to be aware that it takes a lot of effort to make a good marriage work. no be beans!
u rily are cynical,u paint marriage for a guy as a life of slavery like women dont also wonder if it'll be tht way for them 2,women dread marriage too just as much as guys.
I think marriage in the Nigerian context is actually more of slavery for women than for men. Boorish with these ideas you have just don't even bother marrying.It's really not necessary.
true talk true talk!!!i dont even know if i want to live with a man for the rest of my life!!!but i think i may have been conditioned to think i want it!!
anyway i came here to tell you to mail me @ pinksatinpinksatin@yahoo.com myself and Mizz opeke the producers of blogville idol need something from you concerning blogville idol!!! www.blogvilleidol08.blogspot.com
wen it comes to this marriage thngy i thnk its abt zeroing ur mind tht come wht may u are in it for the long haul, its abt knowing tht if u want to be happy,u have to also be comitted to making the other person happy, u knw wen a woman sometimes fels she's giving the 90% and the man only the 10%, then she thnks oh wht the hell-"omo to ba nipe iya oun oni sun , oun naaaa oni foju kan orun"applying it to this case it means, as much as i'm not willing to divorce u,if u are hellbent on making me sad, u also will be sad.
Boorish, i hope u read other comments on ur older blogs cos i just joined and i dropped a few lines on the older blogs.im addicted i thnk.
boorish boorish boorish u sound afraid of making *the* commitment.....
which i guess is a norm with a lotta single guys ......
but i promise you...you WILL find the woman who will make you take that plunge with joy in ur heart and a spring to ur step...u may even do the whole ring bragging thingy more than her.....its been known to happen to those bachelors who thot married life was bondage.....
my wish for you is that when u fall u fall for a good woman......*wink*.....
o
*raised eyebrow* the dude doth protest too much methinks.
I want the whole shabang: my dad in a fly tux walking me down the aisle, my mum in chanel, my Vera Wang dress - bought, stolen or borrowed!
A waterfront reception with Casablanca lilies everywhere and us arriving on a yacht!!
And I want diamonds (same conditions as the dress can apply)
Dreams can come true right?
But I'd like to start with the main most realistic thing: a good man.
U and I need to have a discussion because it is always when i give up on your blog that i come back to see that u have updated...
That said, does anyone watch Platinum Brides? That joint is toxic addiction. I started planning my wedding and I don't even want to get married.
I think when people start to realise that the marriage is not the wedding, they will place less emphasis on the ceremony....plus, people need to watch how some others have done it because indeed there have been some ghastly decisions about the format the wedding takes...
Very interesting blog...
Such a pessimist :). You are right though, 'marriage'= 'wedding' for a lot of Nigerians. All I can do is pray to make the right choices in this life.
LMAO!! Too funny!
ur way with words that is
by d way i concur 2 an extent
LMAO!! Too funny!
ur way with words that is
Heh heh heh...I see someone's read "The Anatomy of Female Power"...
Hilarious one though...and we all know humor only serves to take the "edge" off the knife of truth..
We think alike I 'd probably sneak to NYC (don't like Vegas for weddings) apply for a licence get married and inform the folks via phone call. Then proceed for the honeymoon somewhere and go back home after a few years.......... then maybe we can do a big anniversary thing.......... surprise I'm all girl but weddings scare the hell out of me the bigger they are the scarier...........
Hahahah! You see, you need to see the positive side here...its free comedy...I love watching people making fools of themselves...and you get to eat as well...heheheheheh
sheesh, boorish...so dramatic with your portrayal of BrideZilla...but weddings are beautiful. No need to be skeptical when your big day is with the one you love.
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