"Doublethink means the power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one's mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them". - George Orwell.
The devil himself Niccolo Machiavelli once postulated that one should never enter an aliance with another more powerful than ones self. Very deep words i must say, whilst he was speaking of realpolitik I have put a spin on things and have chosen to speak of relationships (what else is new ;-).
Imagine being in a relationship with a person so much smarter than yourself, a person that read you easily from day one. A person that immediately recognised your needs, influences and biases; and then manipulated them to his or her benefit. Human beings are impressionable and deeply insecure. It is the simplest thing to influence another to hang on your every word and throw aside all logic and common sense inspite of the truth that is staring them in their face.
She loves him and would do all in her power to keep him, he is well aware of this and knows that he is all that she lives for, rather than be inspired by her devotion he becomes complacent and seeks out more exciting possibillities. He cheats openly and constantly, he plays on her emotions, makes her cry at will, does subtle things to make her jealous, keeps her mind occupied, hurts her intentionally and when she is on the verge of finally asserting herself he overwhelms her with kindness, romance and a few furious shagging sessions. Control and manipulation are the tools of is trade. She is aware that he is wrong for her, but still believes that he is her knight in shining armour. Why is this happening? She is doublethinking...............
Some might say that he is being smart, others might call him a bastard, but i contend that such people should be pitied. The way a person treats another is a reflection of the battles raging within them; ergo it is a deep insecurity that drives such a person to try to exert such control over another, and likewise insecurity makes another so impressionable as to be controlled. I have been in situations where i have been guilty of double think (i guess we all have), I too have fallen victim to manipulative women (albeit not for very long...) I have been guilty of manipulating others as well. I am truly happy that I no longer do such, however i have become rather guarded as a result of what i have done and what i have observed.
Ignorance is Bliss
I have become very observant and somewhat suspicious of ther peoples motives, due to my rather calculating nature I analyse every possible outcome before I make any move, it has it's good (i am not usually prone to being manipulated into doublethinking), ergo I prevent myself from ever truly riding the crest of a wave and letting myself go.................
Therein lies the rub.
Is anyone ever truly on your side? Or are they merely being self serving? Is it better to be a fool in love or a wise person that's lonely? She loves me, but what are her motives? Can this be love?
Maybe my efforts at not being weak or vulnerable might cost me a great deal of happiness in my life. Maybe we all need to be foolish to be in love and happy.........................
Maybe I am just as guilty of doublethink as others.
Hope your holiday was as great as mine...........
I have entered a new chapter in my life, I have come full circle and I'm back to being the gregarious boorish that is loved by many. will have to tell you about this soon.
29 comments:
1. u updated and I did not hear about it?
2. I feel no pity for either party in the relationship that you have described. Double thinking or no double thinking. we all make our beds and should proudly lie in it; so just as she ALLOWS herself to be manipulated (maybe because she is content to play the matyr turned imbecile in the name of love)she must enjoy the consequences. So must he when his own comes around.
People can be on your side no matter what. They are typically just one or two and not the multitude.
I am happy to hear that you have come back from your sojourn to the land of dark silences. Waiting for the update ASAP!!!
Happy New year
Why would you do that? be foolish to be in love. This should only happen if YOU believe you do not deserve any better. Then i believe that person has self-esteem issues.
I am on a quest to find love, TRUE LOVE O. Not the Nigerian version. My soulmate, who does not take my complete devotion to their happiness for granted or call it weakness. One who hurts when i hurt and strives to make me happy daily, one who reminds me constantly of how important i am to them, and i of course feel the same. I can go on and on... but you get me. RIGHT!
I love your posts.
I agree with most of the things you say.
Sometimes it's hard not to be manipulated especially when you are the sort of person that gets carried away with the present.
Personally I used to say I would never get married and even if I did divorce would be an easy option to get out in case of any infidelity.
I recently dated a guy and I had some serious double thoughts in regards to our relationship.
I realized the Nigerian society never makes things easy for single people because they are seriously alienated.
So I have embraced the idea called marriage.
Then divorce was out of the question because if I could stay with my recent ex even when I know deep down something wasn't right then letting go of a marriage would be worse.
So I have my aim, I want those two things.
The methods required to achieve a postive or favourable conclusion is seriously unknown to me.
Is this thing called "relationship with an equally befitting person" just a common lottery.
Dear Boorish,
Doublethinking is evil. It will leave the doublethinker old and lonely (if alive, that is)
Humans are impressionable. TRUE but the manipulator is the insecure one and on no account should not be pitied. I had my fair share of such treatment and had I know about the Alhuwalia case at the time, I would have castrated the goat and he will not be rolling into City of David in his C class every Sunday as he does now.
Long and short; to answer your questions
1) Yes, people can really be on your side. Having unconditional love will prove this
2)You can be a wise fool in love
3)She could love you truly. Stop second guessing the woman. Unless you are sure that she has her motives.
4)Yes it can be love
In Summary grab the fat rabbit and take a chance. What is there to loose? Let it go, Egbon. If all else fails, holler at me, I am single afterall and there is no doublethink here!!
Such a conundrum we all face at one time or another. Not much can be done to remedy the situation other than trusting in God and having faith that the person you're with truly cares for you and isn't playing some sick game with your mind and heart, because face it, we all play some game or another at some point, but yes, there are those that take it too far. I digress. I find that the older I get and the more observant I am of other people's relationships, the more apprehension I have toward engaging in a relationship of my own. You can never really know a person's true character. Yes, sometimes they can slip and begin to reveal themselves, but only after you've fallen under their spell. Therein lies the problem. What to do, what to do? Trust in God and know He would never steer you wrong. Just my two cents. Glad you're back and glad to hear you had a great holiday season. Take care.
sometimes Boor, you have got to let yourself go. i used to be in a relationship where my man would insult me to the point of calling me a slut and then he'll dissappear for a long time and not pick my calls and then he'd breeze back like nothings happened, ofcourse i'd take him back, just happy that he even came back and he'd "do" me mercilessly. it happens so very often that i lost so much confidence in myself. one day, a friend took me out to watch a movie and i slept in his house, myman became the best man ever when i told him where i was, he told me sweet nothings i have never heard from him before and begged me to leave the guys house immediately- i found the secret to punish him too- just be with another guy!
i think most of us are guilty of this.
Dear boor, let go, go dancing with her and if both of you dance as if you had rehearsed the night before then i think you have found the one!
you can wisely love foolishly and she can truly love you, they're women out there who'd give everything to her man.
i reali enjoy reading ur blog, sori this is so long.
"furious shagging" hehehehe, abeg make i no die of laughter for here, but na true talk. Do not underestimate "prick power".
Meanwhile all this long long comments they put person under pressure to write something intelligent....
Well, just be yourself. Be the person you are...you'll be fine!
But if any woman wahala you, no fear to halla me, i go waylay am, beat am for you, so no shaking. Una don hear?
To boor: That last annoymous has a point. It will eventually boil down to you eventually finding "the one" and she finding you. Good luck. I'm still going to hide in the trenches for a while. You go out and take one for the team and let us know if it's safe to come out. ciao.
I have been a manipulator and have been manipulated but realised its just a waste of time and its evil. I believe we all know what we want in a person the problem is we spend too much time trying to 'mould' others to suit us or we settle for less cos we think someone better is out of reach and prefer to stay in a 'comfort' zone.
The best thing is to be urself, and trust God to do the necessary changes in you and ur partner.
Love ur blog.
Catwalq, I think you're being too harsh and while I understand (and the she you're talking about probably does too) human nature can be weak and stupidly hopeful. Wishing for change where none will ever come about. Life can be a bitch. And it can be beautiful when you shake off the shackles in your mind and tell the abuser to go f*** themselves as well. Only then can good things ever happen....blah! I tire myself.
Boorish: YAY! Can't wait.
Ide.
happy new year boor. about ur new self. cant wait to read about it.
right this relationship thingy, something that would never cease. girl knows guy is treating her wrong, but girl loves guy even more. guy notices and continues regardless. as far as i know, they've both lost the plot.
i believe the reason a woman stays to cry rather than just leave the guy and be happy is bcos of memoirs of good times they shared together. we as women hold on to these foolishness because somehow we think he would go back to how he used to be and things would be rosy again. we make excuses for his sudden change. we blame ourselves and we strongly believe that even though he cheats we are the one he truly longs for. in one word; pitiful.
if a man stays on while his woman is acting wrong, i think it is because he believes he cannot find a better woman and she sees this. so she takes full advantage and manipulates him as she likes.
i had the opportunity to observe a relationship like that. it was my friend involved. ohh she knew she had him curled round her fingers, or so she thought. whenever i scolded her about doing him wrong in her very words she says 'i have him exactly where i want him to be, and believe me, he aint going no where'. well, he did go eventually and with one of our other friends too. they happen to still be together.
so there. sorry this is almost as long as ur post. hope it wasnt too tedious for u. i know i could be boring sometimes but hey! its the new years baby av fun reading.
yay! he's back!!! *doing the dance*
on the real though, its human nature to be manipulative. we all know that (except we kid ourselves) that's y pple double think when something that looks real comes along.
I tire for this love thing sef
Let me say this much. I've got all my girlfriends hooked on your Sex and the Single Bloke Series, and I'm trying it with my boyfriend. Or trying not to make the hilarious mistakes that you've cataloged over the past months. It's going very, verrry, passionately well. :D
Love your blog.
Happy new year boor!
glad to know we'll be reading more from you.
It is going to be a great year!
Boorish is Back in full force...
everyone take cover..lol
It sounds like this is a messy relationship...you make me want to hurt someone lol
Firstly i am glad you are back to being your gregarious self and enjoyig having fun again hopefully your pack of friends will appreciate you more now.
Doublethink or not i am of the opinion that every human relationship has a certain level of inequality in whatever aspect of the relationship it chooses to manifest itself no matter how much love exists between both parties.
I am a victim of the overanalysing and overthinking disease, hence a lot of meaningful relationships and friendships have passed me by because i took it upon myself to 'think' for the other party.I think it affects people who tend to put the care of others before themslves, you really dont want to hurt anyone hence you re-think.I would have had a lot of fun times and happiness no matter how short lived without trying to judge the intentions of others involved. Now all i have is me, a well behaved, 'successful' lady in her mid twenties with no close friends or realtionship to look back on. Other people see my life and they think i wish i was a sensible as she was doing eveything at the right time and being a model lady.
Like you I am having a personal overhaul and living differently and trying to let go of my inhibitions and be selfish for once in my life. I'm going to let my hair down more often from now on.
Your writing is amazing do, bless us with it more often. I always learn something new from every article you write. In fact i think you have more than just a regular reader in me......... I'm growing fond of the anonymous person who writes these words
lol @ solape...
...i read somewhere that when you fall in love, you literally become stupid...i agree...so i swore off love...it's not that easy i later learned...and you do allow yourself to believe the most ridiculous of things...
...i believe that you attract what you are, on some level...we can fool ourselves, but when we attract a bastard, we have to stand back and look at ourselves and what we are putting out into the world...sometimes it is subconscious and beyond our detection without some serious personal work...
...you doubt her ability to truly love you...why?...are you incapable of truly loving someone?...has this scenario happened before and now you don't trust?...it could really just be that the other person is an asshole...but i have grown accustomed to wondering what i am putting out in the world...
...maybe some personal work can help you figure that out...i think we all doublethink, on some level...but, hey, don't quote me...i don't know a damn thing about affairs of the heart...good luck...and remember, carpe diem...;)
seriously get out of my head.. I have been thinking of most of the points you raised here for a while
welcome back you have been missed...
which ever one you chooses: a fool and in love or wise and lonley, one thing is common between the two and that is some kinda pain; the pain of being lonely or the pain of being in love(i dont care what anyone says. for one to really love, whoever they love would hurt them one time or the other..The people that you love the most, hurt the best)...
Hey I think its an issue of "pick your poison" .. or maybe I am well cynical
When is do we get your next blogpost?
I can't wait!
I love you Boorish. Will you be my virtual valentine. Do day you will, and leave me a message on your blog for valentine.
im doing my own share of double thinking now
Boorish, update now. No make me vex o.
mere words gave me tears ; true to type ... i leave the words unsaid im glad u did thanks boorish
yeye man...just opening and closing your blog up and down. If I did not love you so much, I'd flog you something serious. What is wrong with you? making me think I am seeing things....
come and update. We are in March!!!!!! Shameful!!!!!!!
Hi Darling!!
you introduce me to your blog, when i get hooked, you dissappear. Why now?
Wow, alot of food for thought. Let me go back and read...
I NEVA RILY UNDERSTOOD THE POST UNTIL I READ IT TWICE, WELL LIKE SOMEONE ALREADY SAID,LIFE WONT BE FUN IF U HAVE A MAGIC MIRROR TO KNOW WHT IS IN EACH PERSON'S HEART, WHT THEY ARE TRUELY THINKING,SO U CANT MAKE ASSUMPTIONS ABT WHT SOMEONE IS THINKING BUT WE ALL DO ANYWAY , I DO MINE TO THE POINT OF THE GUY ACTUALLY SAYS "SOMETIMES,U DO U DO MY THINKING FOR ME". IT'LL BE A MUCH BERA WORLD IF PPLE ARE MORE OUTSPOKEN AND HONEST(LIKE THE NEW U)ABT WHT THEY FEEL, WANT E.T.C, BUT I GUESS "THE GUESS" ALSO ADDS A BIT OF SPICE TO IT DNT U THNK
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