I was just a typical red blooded male sowing my oats without a second thought as to the ramifications of my actions. None of you deserved to have your hearts broken, you didnt deserve the lies, the cheating and the indifference I exhibited. If I could go back I would do so many things differently, but unfortunately life affords us no such luxuries. I am so sorry and I pray you find it in your hearts to forgive me, I knew no better, Iwas young and insecure. I have spent so many days nights agonising over all the lies I told, all the tears that you shed and the hurt I caused, I am tired of hiding all this behind a smile, masking it all with this whole macho persona, no mattter what I do, this specter still looms above me and the dark shadow it casts will not pass. I have tried to make amends and apologised to the majority of you. I am happy that some of you have since moved on, but it doesnt take my feelings of remorse and regret away.
My heartfelt apologies go out to each and everyone of you, I wish I had done things differently.
I am so sorry.
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18 comments:
e ya..so u were a "shag em' and leave em'" kinda guy abi? And now u having regrets?..i kid, dont mind me..Great Post. I stumbled upon ur blog...Welcome to blogssville!
Thanks zaiprincess......
At least you are admitting that you are sorry for what you did...some dudes still run around doing shakara and keeping score....admitting you were wrong for something is the first step to healing dude...I am impressed that you apologized....Dont beat yourself up...I dont know if you believe in God and all, but if we ask him, he not only forgives us but forgets about it!Thats pretty wicked awesome! Have a great day!
@babe, i simply wish i could apologize to each and everyone of them, i have done a good job in tracking a lot of them down, but a good few seem to have dropped off the radar. Anyway life goes on huh? Have a good one :-)
Come on now, man! Why are you doing this? There are some things in life that we have to do, thats what makes us human, our imperfection. Now you know the worth of what you do, but one thing is that you'd never do that in your conscious state.
I am really impressed that you apologised but its not your fault, dont feel like they were victims, you are the victim of youthful exuberance. It is nice to feel remorse about what was done wrongfully but we just have to live.
Man, you are one silent inspiration . Are these the result of growing older or something??
@Overwhelmed Naija Babethanks so much for your kind words, i love your blog too.
@naijadude I mmust thank you especially, your comments on this blog make a huge difference,
Thanks to all of you I doubt i will regret the day i decided to become a blogger.
Stay blessed.....
I think it's great that you've realised the error of your ways and turned a new leaf (hopefully permananently, right?). And that you can apologise with honesty and sincerity. Well done. I'm proud of you although I don't know you.
I'm afraid to ask, but how many are they? "They" sound sooo many.
Anyways, I'm just stopping by for the first time, and lemme just say that I am waiting for my own apology o!
Thanks all........
you know, i accept this apology, even though you have never done anything to me, but these are words i have been waiting to see, my pain has dissolved but the ache stays within and i have been trying to let go of so much, trying not to run back to old situations, i needed to read your words, even though they are not from him, not from the one that has hurt me so, i thank you for your words, thank you for indirectly helping me truly take that step of not hating him anymore because i'm truly tired. i'll have to blog about it so you can get the ful gist of this.
@mphahlele reading your blog really brings home the pain that we are capable of inflicting on one another. It is nessesacry for all of us to realise that we all wield great power, the power to love, to feel and to hurt our selves and others. We must take care in all that we do. I am honoured to have played a part in your healing process.
hehhehehe. Nice blog!
it's good that you are admitting and apologizing but i tell you this much, apology does not break the vicious cycle. What goes around will come around and as much as you wish you won't pay for your handiwork, i'm sorry be the bearer of bad news but you will have to pay. That's just the rythmn of life. As much as God is a forgiving father, he still finds a way to balance this checkbook we call life.
Sorry doesn't turn back the hand of time. Please bear your cross and ask for wisdom henceforth. I don't mean to sound crude but you can't sow yam and reap mango. As long as God forgives you (remember, God looks at your intentions when you hurt all these women),you are all set. But, forgiveness doesn't mean no punishment sha. Our God is merciful!
Sometimes living with the regret and guilt is the hardest part. If God's forgiven you, then you have to forgive yourself.
And Angie, you are so right.
Somebody once told me that letting out the truth will set you free.How du feel after saying all that?
@milano es par; I know its a cliché but i doo feel less burdened...
Out of curiousity, what life changing event happened to make you realise you had done wrong by hurting people along the way and made you want to apologise?
@noni it wasnt anything i can readily put my finger on and say this is the point at which it all changed. I guess I grew .......
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